Where agony aunts turn when it all gets too much for them

Share
Related Topics
WHEN YOU have an emotional problem, you can always write to an agony aunt - but who do agony aunts turn to with THEIR problems? To Auntie Agony, that's who! The only agony aunt who deals exclusively with the problems and troubles peculiar to agony aunts! And she's back again today with another postbag of problems sent in by the country's agony aunts! Right, that's enough exclamation marks, so on to the emotional minefield with Auntie Agony, and the first problem please...

Dear Auntie Agony, You really must help, as I am feeling almost suicidal. I have been running a problem corner for a major group of provincial newspapers for several years now, and the pressure must be getting to me because I find myself subject to the most extreme mood swings. One week I might be bubbly and extrovert, almost manically so, and the next week I could easily be just as caught in a deep depression. This has obviously affected my work, as the solutions I offer to people's problems tend to vary wildly according to my mood.

For instance, if some woman writes in to say that that her marriage seems to have stagnated and she thinks her husband may be having an affair, I might, if I am in my cheerful mode, encourage her to go out and have an affair herself, to live a little! But if I am on the downward curve, I might tell her that things aren't going to get any better, that we are sent into this world to suffer and that she might as well stick with a stagnating marriage as anything else.

In other words, I will give two completely opposite pieces of advice depending on my mood swing, and they can't both be right, can they? Well, I suppose they both could be right, depending on the people involved - after all, you never really know enough about people to give them the right advice, do you? Actually, I think I'm making a bit of a fuss about nothing. Can't really think why I bothered you. Having written this letter and talked it through has made me feel a whole heap better. Thanks, Auntie! You've done it again!

Auntie Agony writes: Not at all. Thank you for showing us your lovely mood swing. And the next.

Dear Auntie Agony, I run a problem corner for a national newspaper which I would rather not mention the name of, and although I am a man, I have always written under a woman's assumed name. I am sure you can guess the reasons for this. People always assume that women handle emotional problems better, and are more sensible when it comes to sorting out life (though if that were true, all psychiatrists would be women and male psychiatrists would be distrusted!) and I certainly feel when I get down to problem- handling that thinking my way into my chosen female character helps me to find a solution.

The female role I adopt is rather warmer and softer than the real me, but the trouble is I have begun to feel rather attracted to this woman as whom I masquerade, and am very tempted to start an attachment with her. Am I being very foolish ?

Auntie Agony writes: Let me get this straight. Are you falling in love with yourself? And wondering if you should have an affair with yourself?

Dear Auntie Agony, Yes.

Auntie Agony writes: Hmmmmm... Which one of you is writing this?

Dear Auntie Agony, The man.

Auntie Agony writes: Leave her alone, you beast! How dare you take advantage of her? Hands off! And the next ...

Dear Auntie Agony, I have been doing my column for so long now that I have got tired of the banal, repetitive problems which people send me, and I have started inventing problems to solve. In fact, I haven't had a genuine letter in my column for over a year. But I do feel that the problems I invent are more interesting than the real ones I am sent, which I always throw away. Is this very wrong ?

Auntie Agony writes: You're making this up, aren't you?

Dear Auntie Agony, Yes.

Auntie Agony writes: And the next!

Dear Auntie Agony, Almost all papers have an astrology column. Almost all papers have an agony aunt. The astrologer claims that human problems are tied to birth signs. The agony aunts assume that human problems are tied to character. They can't both be right, can they? And yet we take both on trust, and believe both of them! Isn't this just a bit mad?

Auntie Agony writes: What sign are you?

Dear Auntie Agony, I am Scorpio.

Auntie Agony writes: Typical !

Auntie Agony will be back again soon. Keep these letters rolling in! Or we'll have to make them up!

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

ICT Teacher - NQTs encouraged to apply

£110 - £130 per day + TBC : Randstad Education Reading: ICT Teacher needed up ...

KS2 Teacher

Negotiable: Randstad Education Plymouth: Primary Teaching Job in the Devon We ...

KS1 Teacher

Negotiable: Randstad Education Plymouth: Primary Teaching Job in the Devon We ...

SEN Teaching Assistant

£70 - £75 per day: Randstad Education Group: TA's urgently required. London (S...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Scientists believe the discovery could lead to new treatments for loss of memory function caused by ageing and other factors  

We need a completely new approach to caring for older people

Carol Jagger
 

Daily catch-up: out of time, polling and immigration and old words

John Rentoul
Oscar Pistorius sentencing: The athlete's wealth and notoriety have provoked a long overdue debate on South African prisons

'They poured water on, then electrified me...'

If Oscar Pistorius is sent to jail, his experience will not be that of other inmates
James Wharton: The former Guard now fighting discrimination against gay soldiers

The former Guard now fighting discrimination against gay soldiers

Life after the Army has brought new battles for the LGBT activist James Wharton
Ebola in the US: Panic over the virus threatens to infect President Obama's midterms

Panic over Ebola threatens to infect the midterms

Just one person has died, yet November's elections may be affected by what Republicans call 'Obama's Katrina', says Rupert Cornwell
Premier League coaches join the RSC to swap the tricks of their trades

Darling, you were fabulous! But offside...

Premier League coaches are joining the RSC to learn acting skills, and in turn they will teach its actors to play football. Nick Clark finds out why
How to dress with authority: Kirsty Wark and Camila Batmanghelidjh discuss the changing role of fashion in women's workwear

How to dress with authority

Kirsty Wark and Camila Batmanghelidjh discuss the changing role of fashion in women's workwear
New book on Joy Division's Ian Curtis sheds new light on the life of the late singer

New book on Ian Curtis sheds fresh light on the life of the late singer

'Joy Division were making art... Ian was for real' says author Jon Savage
Sean Harris: A rare interview with British acting's secret weapon

Sean Harris: A rare interview with British acting's secret weapon

The Bafta-winner talks Hollywood, being branded a psycho, and how Barbra Streisand is his true inspiration
Tim Minchin, interview: The musician, comedian and world's favourite ginger is on scorching form

Tim Minchin interview

For a no-holds-barred comedian who is scathing about woolly thinking and oppressive religiosity, he is surprisingly gentle in person
Boris Johnson's boozing won't win the puritan vote

Boris's boozing won't win the puritan vote

Many of us Brits still disapprove of conspicuous consumption – it's the way we were raised, says DJ Taylor
Ash frontman Tim Wheeler reveals how he came to terms with his father's dementia

Tim Wheeler: Alzheimer's, memories and my dad

Wheeler's dad suffered from Alzheimer's for three years. When he died, there was only one way the Ash frontman knew how to respond: with a heartfelt solo album
Hugh Bonneville & Peter James: 'Peter loves his classic cars; I've always pootled along fine with a Mini Metro. I think I lack his panache'

How We Met: Hugh Bonneville & Peter James

'Peter loves his classic cars; I've always pootled along fine with a Mini Metro. I think I lack his panache'
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's heavenly crab dishes don't need hours of preparation

Bill Granger's heavenly crab recipes

Scared off by the strain of shelling a crab? Let a fishmonger do the hard work so you can focus on getting the flavours right
Radamel Falcao: How faith and love drive the Colombian to glory

Radamel Falcao: How faith and love drive the Colombian to glory

After a remarkable conversion from reckless defender to prolific striker, Monaco's ace says he wants to make his loan deal at Old Trafford permanent
Terry Venables: Premier League managers must not be allowed to dictate who plays and who does not play for England

Terry Venables column

Premier League managers must not be allowed to dictate who plays and who does not play for England
The Inside Word: Brendan Rodgers looks to the future while Roy Hodgson is ghost of seasons past

Michael Calvin's Inside Word

Brendan Rodgers looks to the future while Roy Hodgson is ghost of seasons past