"... have a cooked breakfast every morning?"
"... allow people to smoke in your house?"
"... take sugar in your tea?"
"... smoke that stuff?"
"... have your old Status Quo records?"
"... listen to The Archers?"
"... get a Sunday paper?"
"... find The Goon Show funny?"
"... believe in God?"
"... believe in atheism?"
Ten things which characters in The Archers are always having.
A quick pint
A conversation about another character whose voice has never been heard in the programme
Plans for parties
Worries about sheep dips, milk quotas, and other contentious things that justify having an agricultural consultant listed in the credits
To deal with unpleasant characters whom you know will get their come- uppance even if you have to wait 18 months for that pleasant moment of revenge.
Ten things which characters in The Archers never have.
A cup of tea
Plans to go out and buy new clothes
A slow pint
An appearance for one episode only
Encounters with extraterrestrial beings
Any inclination to listen to The Archers.
Ten made-up place-names which never sounded remotely as if they could really exist.
Ten place names which always sounded made up, even though they are real places.
Welwyn Garden City
Ashby de la Zouch
Cricket St Thomas
Llanfairpwllgwyn etc etc
Ten expressions which have not been decimalised or metricated.
Penny for your thoughts
Give them an inch and they'll take a mile
A guinea pig
The penny's dropped
Not short of a few bob
Spend a penny
Penny for the guy
I wouldn't give tuppence
Came down like a ton of bricks
Inching slowly away
Ten expressions which not only demean women but demean specific women by name.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Not on your nelly
Sue and be damned
A cheap sally
Darby and Joan
Off the peg
Sweet Fanny Adams
Ten words which we and the Americans insist on pronouncing differently.
zee (for zed)
Ten questions which have never been answered satisfactorily.
Stands Scotland where it did?
Why is the English word for a driver "chauffeur", if the French word means "someone who heats something up"?
Why do we wear a wristwatch on the left wrist?
If Kochel put Mozart's life and work in order, who did the same for Kochel?
If Smith is the commonest name in England, why isn't the French equivalent, Lefevre, the commonest name in France?
What's it all about, then?
Why do people call the left-hand lane of a motorway the "inside lane", when it is actually the outside lane?
Why is it called a double bass, when there is no single bass?
Why is a boy soprano called a treble, when there is no such thing as a double?
Why is a play for two people called a two-hander, when they've got four hands between them?Reuse content