England collapse yet again to leave India miles ahead and nothing but a long, slow death on the horizon

India (329 & 124-2) lead England (161) by 292 runs: Whatever the conditions, whatever the surface: England can collapse on it. Truly, this team is a sham for all seasons

The batsmen were so collectively awful that it feels unfair to single anyone out (Getty)

Like one of those interminable movie franchises that somehow manages to propagate and multiply and endlessly reboot with no discernible variation in cast or plot or quality, watching England bat these days is an exercise in credulity.

This was the Trent Bridge 2018 version, but it might as well have been Mirpur or Auckland or Visakhapatnam or Perth, or indeed Trent Bridge 2017. The same formula, the same ending, the same cheap and giddy adrenalin rush, the same faint smell of willow and shame. You can’t deny it’s eye-catching: if England are batting, definitely fetch the popcorn. But you probably won’t have long to finish it.

At lunch on day two, England were 46 for no wicket and just about edging ahead of an India side who had been bowled out cheaply in the day’s opening overs. During that afternoon session, England scored at four runs an over, all the batsmen reached double figures and we were treated to some thrilling attacking strokeplay. Unfortunately - and it feels churlish to inflect this feel-good tale with your typical media negativity - they also lost all 10 wickets.

It was only the third time in the last 80 years that England had been bowled out inside a single session. Portentously, all three of those instances have occurred since October 2016, when England kicked off their wretched record in away Test series by collapsing against Bangladesh. Since then, England have collapsed under sun and cloud, on the drop-ins of Australia and the dustbowls of India, home and away, in a rush and at their leisure, against seam and swing, against spin and pace. Whatever the conditions, whatever the surface: if you can play cricket on it, England can collapse on it. Truly, this team is a sham for all seasons.

Root only managed 16 runs before being dismissed after a review (Getty Images)

Yes, the ball moved around. Yes, India’s bowlers were excellent, particularly Hardik Pandya, who claimed his first five-wicket haul in Test cricket with an exceptional control and command of length. But this can only be fractional mitigation: this is a team who have long since relinquished the benefit of any doubt. Were it not for the futile gallantry of Jos Buttler, who thrashed 39 with only James Anderson for company, they may even have been forced to bat again. As it is, with India miles ahead and three days remaining, it will be a long, slow death.

The batsmen were so collectively awful that it feels unfair to single anyone out. Nevertheless: Keaton Jennings may not last the summer, Joe Root is still a vestige of his best, Ben Stokes has looked undercooked all week and Alastair Cook is going through his now-annual hibernation, with just one half-century in 13 innings since his marathon in Melbourne. Having taken a stunning catch on day one, he dropped a far easier chance on the second evening, and for all his experience and nous, his value to this side is become less measurable by the month.

Ben Stokes only scored ten runs (Getty)

In all, eight of England’s batsmen were caught behind the wicket, pushing at the ball with hard hands and soft heads. It was as if they decided that if the ball was going to swing all over the place, so were they. And so in direct contrast to India’s reserved resilience on Saturday, England tried to score their way out of trouble, only to come unstuck when one inevitably came along with their name on it. From the moment when Cook and Jennings were dismissed from successive balls, England lost nine wickets in 21 overs.

Of India’s bowlers, Pandya was magnificent, Ishant Sharma bowled superbly at England’s left-handers from around the wicket, while the unorthodox Jasprit Bumrah troubled England with his pace and sharp bounce. The slip fielders took their catches, and apart from an amusing little cameo at the end of the innings when Buttler briefly cut loose and sent the field scattering, India were utterly dominant.

Hardik Pandya leaves with the ball after his five wicket haul (Getty Images)

Whereupon, an unflustered India and a shattered England took the field for the third and entirely unnecessary act of this match. Anderson and Stuart Broad had looked impressively waspish in whittling away India’s last four wickets earlier that morning, Broad giving Rishabh Pant a terse send-off as he bowled him off the inside edge. But now they looked sallow and bored and disgruntled with life in general.

Stokes and Rashid, the only two bowlers with a point left to prove, claimed a wicket each. But for the most part, as the sun beat down and the crowd began to drift away towards a more stimulating use of their evening, India simply accumulated. Shikhar Dhawan and KL Rahul both got a useful net in; Pujara and Kohli remain unbeaten overnight. India will probably bat for most of Monday as well, keeping England in the field, giving them plenty of time to think about what they have done.

Virat Kohli was three short of a century before Adil Rashid got him out (Getty)

Was this the day the series turned? Too soon to say; but India’s victory here will at least prolong it until Southampton. Whether they have the skill and the consistency to press home their momentum remains to be seen, but one way of putting it is that this series will remain up for grabs until someone plays well enough to grab it. We could be waiting a while.