The Top Ten: Misleading definitions of words

Sitar: A guitar on which you sit (Alamy)

This list started with a conversation on Twitter. Aric Gilinsky (respectfully) disagreed with Tom Doran's opinion on the meaning of irony. Tom had said: 'It means 'a bit like iron'. Everyone knows that.' Aric asked: 'Is this part of a Top 10 false meanings of words that you could totally convince a foreigner are true?' It is now.

Oyster

A person who overdoes Jewish mannerisms, according to Guy Herbert.

Sitar

A guitar on which you sit, reckons Kit Marsden.

Gullible

"Many years ago, when asked by my little sister the meaning of the word, I told her it was a shade of blue," says Alan Robertson, helpfully.

Lampoon

Noun. A tool for whaling at night. From Elliot Adams.

Discontent

A marquee put up for a party, insists Robertson.

Glacier

More glacé; for example: "all cherries are glacé, but some are glacier than others", suggests Marsden.

Disorder

Verb. To cancel an Amazon purchase, says Jack Blackburn.

Timid

Central Yorkshire.

See also, Tabby: big church in Yorkshire; Tissues: important matters in Yorkshire. Each suggested by Tom Joyce.

Antidisestablishmentarianism

The movement for banning insults in restaurants, led by Tom Doran.

Slippery

Adjective. Like a slipper, says Lee "Budgie" Barnett.

Next week: First sentences of non-fiction books

Coming soon: Songs named after days of the week. Send your suggestions, and ideas for future Top 10s, to top10@independent.co.uk