Morrissey's debut novel List of the Lost receives damning first review: 'It is an unpolished turd, the stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination'

'Do not read this book; do not sully yourself with it'

Morrissey refuses to perform in venues that do not go meat-free while he is on stage (Getty Images)

Morrissey’s first novel has been released by Penguin. It’s called List of the Lost and is about a 1970’s relay team who accidentally murder someone - who happens to be a demon - and are thereafter cursed.

Speed readers have taken to finishing the book already, only 11 hours after it hit book stores, and the very first review is in. It is, without a doubt, one of the most damning book reviews to ever be printed by a national paper.

“Do not read this book; do not sully yourself with it, no matter how temptingly brief it seems,” says Michael Hann of The Guardian.

“All those who shepherded it to print should hang their heads in shame, for it’s hard to imagine anything this bad has been put between covers by anyone other than a vanity publisher. It is an unpolished turd of a book, the stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination.”

Ouch. Here’s the synopsis of the story, from the singer himself:

“The theme is demonology … the left-handed path of black magic. It is about a sports relay team in 1970s America who accidentally kill a wretch who, in esoteric language, might be known as a Fetch … a discarnate entity in physical form. He appears, though, as an omen of the immediate deaths of each member of the relay team.

“He is a life force of a devil incarnate, yet in his astral shell he is one phase removed from life. The wretch begins a banishing ritual of the four main characters, and therefore his own death at the beginning of the book is illusory.”

If you’re a little confused let me help you out. It seems List of the Lost focuses on a 1970’s relay running team who accidentally kill someone. That wretch, who may be known as Fetch, is actually a demon, who goes on to curse the team.

Have you read the book? What do you think of Moz’s foray into fiction?