Holy Tharks, no wonder Disney lost a packet on this, a po-faced action-adventure that doesn't even have the decency to be Flash Gordon camp.
Taylor Kitsch plays beefcake John Carter, a bitter Civil War veteran who is transported to Mars and immediately thrust into a conflict between the Jeddak of Zodanga (Dominic West) and the people of Helium, with the Tharks, 10ft warriors with four arms, in the middle. Silly names abound in this ludicrously scripted but energetic hokum.
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