The final series of Game of Thrones is right around the corner. For many, it’s the culmination of years of viewing parties, intense debates, and furious tweets about character deaths (justice for Oberyn!). For others, it’s a moment to sit back and think: “Huh, did I miss out on deciding never to watch this show?”
Well, it’s too late now! Game of Thrones already has seven seasons and 67 episodes under its belt so, unless you’re dedicated to turning your back on all employment, social engagements, and basic hygiene, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to catch up before the start of season eight.
That’s no problem, however, as you’ll be surprised to discover how easy it is simply to fake your way into seeming like a Game of Thrones fan. So, fool your friends, co-workers, and family into thinking you’re also an active participant in popular culture with these handy tips.
1. Make your choice for who will win the Iron Throne. You can literally choose any character because, at this point, the series seems ready and willing to throw a wrench into the works and let Samwell Tarly rule the Seven Kingdoms. You don’t even need to have much justification for your pick because, if anyone questions you, all you need to do is nod wisely and say: “Ah, but the prophecy… “
2. Another safe bet is to pick another random character and insist that they’ll die in episode three. Not episode one or two, because the death needs to arrive once fans have had the opportunity to get nice and cosy. They need to have fooled themselves into thinking that, just maybe, everything will turn out OK. The key to Game of Thrones, after all, is maximum devastation. So, in that light, it’s best to also pick one of the few shining beacons of light on the show i.e. pick Arya. You’ll sound very smart if you say Arya will die.
3. Every time you go outside and there’s a light chill in the air, remember to say “Winter’s coming”. That one’s obvious.
4. Have a pre-prepared speech about how, actually, Game of Thrones is very feminist. Maybe the most feminist show of all? Be very firm about this, because being a fan of the show does demand actively suppressing the fact that, really, it took them about six seasons to finally make an effort. It also involves ignoring all that excessive female nudity. But, hey, it all turned out OK, because the women are on top now!
5. Tyrion is your favourite character. Say that he’s witty, because everyone likes Tyrion and you’ll avoid any further argument.
6. Be unnaturally comfortable with incest, but only in specific cases. You have to be repulsed by the affair between twins Jaime and Cersei, but supportive of Daenerys and Jon Snow’s union, despite the fact that she’s his aunt. These are the strange moral lines you have to draw to be a fan of Game of Thrones, because it’s imperative that this woman and her brother’s son get married and live happily ever after on the Iron Throne.
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7. Do not ever, ever confess that you sometimes get characters mixed up. Even though it does sometimes feel like you’re just watching the same man swap between a variety of different beards.
Level Up: If you’re feeling confident, you can also pretend that you’ve read the books. All you need to do here is interrupt every conversation with: “But when is George RR Martin finally going to release The Winds of Winter?”
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