From Dior's embroidered trainers to Moschino's French fries iPhone case, designer statement accessories for autumn/winter

Milk-carton bags, embroidered trainers, and French fries for your phone. Autumn/winter 2014 has thrown up some seriously skewed statements on the accessories front. Alexander Fury highlights the most covetable pieces from this season's odd squad

Chanel's milk cartons handbags (Chanel)

The Gag Bag

Bored of totes, top-handles and even Baguettes? How about a chain-strung Big Gulp cup in satin-lined leather, a pearl-beaded milk carton, or an embroidered leather Kellogg's Corn Flakes packet as a clutch? The novelty handbag – the 'Gag Bag' – is big news for autumn/winter. It was cool even before Solange Knowles tried to clock Jay-Z with her crisp-packet-inspired Anya Hindmarch style in that infamous viral video. The main protagonist is Karl Lagerfeld, who staged his Chanel show in a make-believe supermarket and strung his models with accessories shaped like everything from milk cartons to egg boxes and leather-entwined chain shopping baskets. Waitrose meets Warhol.

Fancy Footwork

Haute couture rarely – if ever – spawns a trend, but the January shows of Chanel and Dior were replete with trainer-derived footwear and frocks. Forget hand-embroidered Air Max-inspired aerations on cocktail dresses; the ready-to-wear interpretation is a touch simpler and, in all truth, easier. Winter catwalks were awash with hyper-embellished trainers: those two couture houses offered bejewelled takes, JW Anderson had twisted triple-tongued leather numbers, and Riccardo Tisci launched a range for Nike with all the flash of his Givenchy designs. Brace yourself for versions coming to a high street near you soon.

Embroidered Dior trainers

Hold nothing

The first ever handbag was called a reticule – a word derived from the Latin for net. It was easy, then, for 19th-century humorists to transform it into "ridicule" – Charles Dickens used it in Oliver Twist in 1838. What was ridiculous? That the bag was necessary at all, the implication being that a woman should be able to carry her belongings in pockets of her dress.

Louis Vuitton's Petite Malle handbag is the sleekest and chicest

Today, the micro-bag – championed by everyone from Alexander McQueen to Tod's – is ridiculed by many for its inability to house a woman's worldly possessions. They are undeniably elegant, though. Louis Vuitton's Petite Malle is the sleekest, and the chicest.

Prank Calls

A daft iPhone cover might seem the preserve of teenage ne'er-do-wells terrorising your local bus stop. Alas, said teenagers have made their way, inexplicably, on to the catwalk: Jeremy Scott sent the then-19-year-old Lindsey Wixson down the catwalk of his debut Moschino show in February clutching her phone to her ear, albeit one wrapped in a lurid rubber rendering of a carton of French fries. The offending, overtly branded item costs£45. Marc by Marc Jacobs and Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci offer similar styles, and there's a teddy bear-shaped one at Topshop.

Moschino's chips iPhone case

Earring, Mislaid

This is a short, sweet and somewhat odd accessory look for autumn/winter 2014: the single earring. It is championed by two of the world's most copied designers – Nicolas Ghesquière at Louis Vuitton and Phoebe Philo at Céline – so will doubtless be popping up not only on the high street, but in high-fashion collections to come. It's a cost-effective one – half the earrings, half the price. Or if you decide to go down the Janet Jackson (circa "Rhythm Nation") route, it's a convenient hanging place for a spare set of latchkeys.

Statement earrings by Phoebe Philo at Céline

Ugly Shoes

"Ugly" is a loaded word. But the idea of an ugly shoe isn't a subjective statement. The whole point of the season's most interesting footwear is to create something intentionally aesthetically disquieting.

Miu Miu's transparent plastic booties

It's no accident that Dior's signature shoes for the autumn/winter season resemble a cross-breed of a 1950s stiletto and a Saniflo loo unit, nor that Miu Miu's must-have transparent plastic bootie, with its exposed nail heel, drawstring and contrasts of Pepto-Bismol pink and disinfectant-green plastic, looks like a gussied-up orthopaedic brace, in all honesty. This season, that's a good thing.