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What do you do when you're broody but your long-term partner says they don’t want kids?

Do you leave the love of your life? Or stay and risk resenting them for it?

Rachel Hosie
Wednesday 21 December 2016 10:45 GMT
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France's birth rate fell to an average of 1.93 children per woman last year, compared with two per woman in 2014, according to the latest population report by INSEE
France's birth rate fell to an average of 1.93 children per woman last year, compared with two per woman in 2014, according to the latest population report by INSEE (Getty Images)

For some of us, the decision to have children is easy. Others take some time to make their mind up, and some people are adamant they never want kids.

So what do you do when you find yourself aged 30, wanting children at some point down the line, but in a relationship with a partner who doesn’t ever want to be a parent?

For one woman, this is the situation in which she’s ended up: despite previously having said “I don't know how I'll feel in the future” with regard to having children, the woman’s partner of nine years (and now fiancé) has told her he doesn’t want kids after all.

Despite this, he doesn’t want to break-up.

His fiancée is at a stage in her life where she’s seriously considering starting a family but now feels stuck: “I feel like I can't leave as we have a home together,” she wrote on Mumsnet. “But I don't want to resent him when it's too late for me.”

It’s a dilemma many people - both women and men - have faced.

Some people thought the couple should split up: “I would say that your relationship/marriage will not work if you fundamentally want different things,” commented one.

Another pointed out that there’s no right thing to do, but there’s no point hanging around: “Unfortunately this is a deal-breaker. Neither of you is wrong to want what you want - but these are not compatible,” she wrote, before adding that “you do need to crack on with mourning this relationship and meeting someone new. It's very sad but there it is.”

The issue of a ticking biological clock certainly adds another level to the dilemma for women. One wrote: “The fact of the matter is though that [she] does not have many years of fertility left. She's 30, not 20. The guy has the liberty of 'not knowing how he'll feel in the future',” whereas women don’t.

People had no qualms with being blunt: “You're only 30 - break up now and get on with life,” said one.

However some pointed out that she might regret leaving a man she really loved: “Don’t leave someone you love to be with someone just because they want children,” one commenter wisely wrote.

One woman shared the story of a similar experience where she decided to leave the man. “It nearly destroyed me walking away from him,” she admitted, but added that she knew it was the right thing to do.

Although much advice was given, ultimately, everyone agreed only the woman herself could make the decision. One person wrote: “Only you can decide if you want just him or you want a family.”

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