April Fools' Day 2016: Some of the best fake news reports

Newspapers around the world have been fooling their readers

Lizzie Dearden@lizziedearden
Friday 01 April 2016 17:09
comments
British newspapers competed for the best April fool
British newspapers competed for the best April fool

Newspapers around the world have been pushing the boundaries of plausibility for April Fools' Day, with hilarious results.

From heated Cornish beaches to a new Union Flag - here are some of the best fake reports.

British universities to be renamed

Students are calling for Imperial College and King’s College to be renamed as part off efforts to “decolonise and demisogynise” higher education, The Times reported.

Gaia College and Citizen’s College were the chosen names, according to the article, which was peppered with excellent quotes.

“Frederick Chetwynd-Talbot, president of the King’s College Indigenous Peoples’ Society…argued that while he did not know which king was behind King’s College, ‘it is pretty certain he was a cisgender white man who oppressed someone’.”

EU stars to be put on Union Jack

It was every Express reader’s worst nightmare over at, erm, the Daily Express.

The newspaper revealed “secret plans” from Brussels to incorporate the hated European stars on the UK’s beloved flag.

“We pushed through the incorporation of the EU flag onto car registration plates in the late 90s and no-one kicked up a fuss, so, to many members this seems a logical next step,” a source said.

The Express imagined what the flag might look like

Australian state of Victoria to become ‘Elizabeth’

The news.com.au website reported that backbench MPs were preparing to rename the state of Victoria “Elizabeth” in honour of the reigning monarch.

But problems quickly surfaced with the changes it would entail.

“What about our tourism slogan ‘You’ll love every part of Victoria’,” a source as quoted as saying.

“Urging people to ‘love every part of Elizabeth’ is inappropriate and probably bordering on treason.”

The state of Elizabeth, as imagined by news.com.au

Boris Boards

Boris bikes are so last year, it’s all about the “Boris Boards” according to the Metro.

The multi-million pound scheme could start to roll out (geddit?) this month, the newspaper claimed, to entice young Londoners to travel around the capital.

“Let’s get Back to the Future, and stop this ludicrous and nannying prohibition on the electric scooter-surfboard gizmos,” it quoted Boris Johnson as saying.

Probably even more dangerous than Boris/Barclays/Santander bikes

No more naked animals

National Geographic was making a stand against “nude” wildlife photos.

“The media group says that it will no longer degrade animals by showing photos of them without clothes,” it announced, complete with a picture of some very uncomfortable looking kittens wearing tiny suits.

A cheetah lies at The Cheetah Conservation Fund (CCF) center in Otjiwarongo, Namibia

Denmark banned from global ranking lists

Sick of Denmark being (supposedly) the happiest, most democratic, least corrupt and all-round best country on the planet? The Local had a story for you.

The international news website reported that the “Bureau for International Statistics” was banning the country from comparison lists.

“In the end, we decided to exclude Denmark for the time being so that some other countries could get a chance,” a spokesperson said.

People in Denmark are the happiest according to a UN report

Heated beaches arrive in Cornwall

A Cornwall beach is reportedly set to become an “all year round” holiday destination thanks to under-stand heating.

The Falmouth Packet said that the scheme on Gyllyngvase Beach will “enhance the beach users’ experience even on days of inclement weather”.

Join our new commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

View comments