Noel Gallagher offers sage advice to Zayn Malik following his split from One Direction

The singer quit the world’s biggest boyband in March

“F**kin' get a good accountant because life is very f**kin' long,” Noel Gallagher starts his bemused tirade on how Zayn Malik could have possibly turned down a life of endless female attention to be an everyday 22-year-old.

The singer quit the world’s biggest boyband in March for a stroll on civvy street, only to walk straight into a studio with Naughty Boy and record a single.

Nevertheless, the former Oasis guitarist, whose daughter is a fan of the group, had a few words he needed to get off his chest with regards to Malik’s decision.

“It's a strange thing for that lad to have done at that age,” he told Rolling Stone.

Former One Direction band member Zayn Malik receives his Outstanding Achievement in Music award at the 2015 British Asian Awards at the Grosvenor House Hotel, London. (PA)

“The greatest quote was – I laughed out loud when I read it – ‘I just want to be a normal 22-year-old.’ Pfft. Who wants to be a normal 22-year-old?! Hang on a minute. You can be f**king anything that moves and gettin' paid half a million dollars a week, you f**kin' idiot. You want to be a normal 22-year-old? Have you met any normal 22-year-olds? They're f**kin' shit-for-brains.

“What are you talking about, you f**kin' idiot? God. All those young Japanese girls s**kin' me cock. [Sarcastically] So shallow and meaningless. I'll say this to you, Zayn: You might have wanted to be a normal 22-year-old, but you won't want to be a normal 25-year-old [laughs].”

He also shared his input on those Oasis reunion rumours that surfaced shortly after his brother Liam Gallagher posed backstage at one of his shows wearing a High Flying Birds backstage pass and captioning the resulting image “Keeping it in the family”.

“Well, it wasn't his pass,” Noel continued.

“He wasn't there. It was my other brother's pass. If he'd had been at one of my gigs, you would've known about it because he'd have made his way onstage and started acting like a f**kin' gobs***e. He's being a bit disingenuous to Oasis fans in the sense that he always gets their hopes up.

“There was a rumour last week that we've had a gentleman’s agreement [to reform the band], but that rumour's come from his people. It's a “source close to him,” and I'll tell you how close it is: She probably wakes up with him every morning. It's always left to me in an interview to let the kids down. People say, ‘You're breaking these kids' hearts.’ Well, what the f**k, man?”

Liam has since responded with the equally polite following:

As for that new Oasis-inspired One Direction album...