Francois Hollande stands up for himself (and Europe) in Theresa May’s towering presence

French President insists the now infamous Article 50 is invoked with immediate effect

Francois Hollande greets Theresa May at the Elysee Palace yesterday (Getty)

Holland and May: It sounds less like a free world leading double act than a suburban high street retailer of sensible footwear. Certainly not the sort that would sell the kind of cuban heels popular with the previous French President and, on this evidence, should have remained popular with the current one.

As the British Prime Ministerial jag swept on to the shingle at the Elysee Palace, President Hollande repeated an old trick of his predecessor’s, and lingered on the step above ground level. It was an act of artifice every bit as convincing as the tip-toe induced levitation of a busking magician on the Champs Elysee. And it didn’t last. By the time the two had made it to the top step, posing for the cameras, Ms May’s silver bouffant was towering a whole half a head above her Gallic counterpart.

You only have to have witnessed the orgiastic levels of personal contact that characterised any meeting between Bush and Putin to know that in the complex world of international diplomacy, such small details matter.

When, after their bilateral discussions, the two leaders swept into the grandly appointed Salon Napoleon Trois (what is it with the French and short leaders? It’s arguable a decent set of raised heels should be passed down with the seals of office), it was clear Mr Hollande had stood up for himself.

He wants the now infamous Article 50 invoked with immediate effect. Ms May is in no rush. Hollande is having none of it.

“It’s a mutual understanding that triggering this process should happen as soon as possible,” Mr Hollande said. “The sooner the better is in the common interest.”

The sooner the better is in the EU’s interest. Not in Britain’s. The EU knows that. That’s why they designed the article in this way.

In the meantime, the fate of the free world appears now to rest on precisely when the UK triggers Article 50, and the David Davis masterplan can be put into action, in which, of course, nothing has been left to chance and nothing will go wrong.

It’s more than a month since Buck’s Fizz delivered the fatal blow to Nigel Farage’s Rock for Brexit concert, following 2wo members of 5ive and an Elvis impersonator and becoming roughly the 84th act to withdraw from it. But the spectre of The Fizz is still haunting Europe. On Wednesday Chancellor Merkel told Britain to slow it down. Now Mr Hollande has told us to speed it up.

But Ms May, whose adventurous fashion choices are yet to extend to the rapid action removable hula skirt, has made her mind up. “Article 50 will not be invoked before the end of this year.”

Of course, the meeting wore all the ancient ritual of old friends. The ‘special bonds’ between the two countries. Both spoke of ‘the fight against terrorism,’ a fight that briefly became real when, midway through the French President’s speech, at the back of the room a cameraman fell off the two foot high gantry with an almighty crash that, in no uncertain terms, scared the living daylights out of everyone present.

But not for many, many years, a century perhaps, have the interests of the two nations been more mutually exclusive. The UK wants access to the single market as well as restrictions on freedom of movement, a concession never given to any EU country, nor Canada, Norway, Switzerland, or anyone else who has brokered a free trade agreement with the European member nations.

The French, with a patisserie industry rather more sophisticated than our own, know very well that once you have manged your gateau, that’s that. It’s gone.