But away from what promises to be a close fight between Labour and the Conservatives, another battle royale is underway: The gripping showdown between prospective parliamentary candidates Lord Buckethead and Count Binface.
The aristocratic, cerebrally-enhanced contenders appear to already be engaged in a confusing tête-à-tête, or perhaps that should be tête-à-visage, involving their titles.
Here we will attempt to explain how this bewildering battle for supremacy has arisen, and investigate what the outcome could be for Uxbridge, and for planet Earth.
Our quest for comprehension begins with Lord Buckethead – a seasoned, if (so far) unelected political warrior.
Lord Buckethead first exploded onto the political stage in Finchley, Margaret Thatcher’s constituency, where he stood against the incumbent prime minister in the 1987 election.
He returned to stand against John Major in Huntingdon in 1992, and then after failing to contest David Cameron’s premiership, returned again as a modern reincarnation to stand against Theresa May in Maidenhead in the 2017 snap election where he polled 0.4 per cent of the vote.
That year he also released the phenomenal Christmas single “Bucketful of Happiness”.
In 2019, Lord Buckethead announced his intention to stand in the European Parliament elections, but was unable to do so due to a copyright issue. Did this signal the end of his anti-Tory campaign?
It appeared so. The Lord Buckethead character was based on the 1980s B-movie action epic Gremloids made by US fillm-maker Todd Durham. Durham asserted his rights, and took control of the character.
So with extraordinary foresight, Count Binface touched-down on Twitter on 12 December 2018 – exactly one year, to the day, before the forthcoming general election.
Writing this week, Count Binface explained some of the issues with his former identity.
“HELLO! I was Lord Buckethead in the 2017 Election but I have since renounced my peerage, partly because I promised to abolish the Lords and I’m a politician who keeps my promises, and partly because of an unfortunate battle on the planet Copyright.”
He added: “Why am I back? Because I predicted Brexit would be a #s***show and so it proved.
“Will I bring back Ceefax? Obvs.
“Why the sexy rebrand? Because I decided I could not remain in that bucket and so like Chuka Umunna, Anna Soubry, Dominic Grieve and Chuka again, I chose pastures new.”
So far, so straightforward – Lord Buckethead regenerated into Count Binface to keep the flag flying for huge-headed political roguery.
But this smooth and uncomplicated narrative is not the end of the tale, as it has emerged that a new Lord Buckethead will also be contesting the seat of Uxbridge and South Ruislip at the December 2019 general election – apparently with the backing of Gremloids creator Durham.
Writing on Twitter yesterday from the account @LordBuckethead, Lord Buckethead wrote: “#LordBuckethead is now a British Institution & has joined the OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY!”
Responding to the unlikely re-incarnation of his former identity – whom he will now stand against, Count Binface said: “I look forward to both the hustings and to challenging the new ‘Lord Buckethead’ to take part in a receptacle-to-receptacle debate.”
In the 2017 election called by Theresa May, Boris Johnson retained his seat, winning 23,716 votes, with Labour candidate Vincent Lo taking 18,682. The result was a major improvement for Labour. In the 2015 election in which Mr Johnson first won his seat, replacing another Conservative, he received 22,511 votes, to Labour candidate Chris Summers’ 11,816.
Whatever transpires between all those contesting the constituency, it is clear that voters in Uxbridge and South Ruislip will be spoiled for choice when it comes to joke candidates.
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