This is how to get Donald Trump to follow you on Twitter

Sad news for fans of great love stories: Donald Trump unfollowed longtime friend Piers Morgan on Twitter over the weekend.

Morgan has criticised the president for weeks for his approach to the pandemic, culminating in a column for the MailOnline on 24 April that slammed Trump’s “batsh*t crazy coronavirus theories” and warned that they would “kill people”.

Trump responded as he does to the majority of criticism: badly.

Morgan was quickly booted out of the prestigious group followed by the former reality TV star, which now numbers only 46.

While Trump’s tweets are always sure to provoke a conversation, who he actually follows is equally intriguing, particularly how he narrows down who makes it into the elite club.

But it turns out there is a method to the madness.

If you're a member of a select few Trump-approved groups, you’re likely to catch a follow from The Donald.

We’ve narrowed them down into some easily digestible categories. Pick your fighter.

Appear on Fox News (a bit of sexual harrassment is also fine)

The most dysfunctional family since the Bluths. Trump follows many Fox News pundits who have often seemed to act as mouthpieces for his administration during his tenure as president. Perhaps the Trump followback is his idea of the ultimate reward.

This list of malcontents includes the likes of Bill O’Reilly, who was fired from the network in 2017 after it emerged that he had paid nearly $50m to settle a number of sexual harrassment cases.

It also features Fox Nation hosts and Trump supporting sisters Diamond & Silk, who have recently been criticised for pushing dangerous coronavirus misinformation (another thing in common with Trump), and Tucker Carlson. A toxic combination.

Work for Trump

This includes the inner cogs of the Trump political machine: Trump staffers, his VP Mike Pence, various members of the GOP that he likes (Mitt Romney notably absent). There’s even a few recognisable names of felled Trump officials like Reince Priebus, who holds the dubious honour of the shortest tenure as permanent chief of staff in history.

But no Anthony Scarumucci, who recently told Piers Morgan that a presidential unfollow will make his life “way better”. It seems “the Mooch’s” 11 days as White House Communications Director under Trump, a role for which he sold his company SkyBridge, led only to his wife filing for divorce. So maybe an unfollow was for the best.

Be a business owned by Trump (ideally a luxury resort in America)

Daddy doesn’t love all his children equally it seems because Trump only follows some of his 11 luxury resorts on Twitter.

Perhaps the others simply don’t provide the same quality of retweeted memes. Among those hotels missing out on the big guy’s follow are his resorts in Scotland and Vancouver. In fact, he only seems to follow US Trump properties. Guess his commitment to hard borders goes further than just building a wall.

Be related to Trump

A quick but not so desirable way of earning that Trump follow is by being related to him or having married (or divorced) one of his delightful large adult sons.

Trump follows all his offspring who are on the site, even Tiffany. The only omission on the list seems to be Jared Kushner, who is both husband to his favourite daughter, Ivanka, and a close adviser. But the failure to follow may be because Jared appears to have never used his Twitter page; there are no tweets and the picture remains one taken before his appearance drastically changed to that of someone who sees very little Vitamin D.

Work in reality TV

The most random group of all.

Trump’s former life as a reality TV star explains some of the more bizarre-seeming follows on his list – like why he’s following the likes of Derry-born producer Roma Downey, whose book he has also promoted on his Twitter feed. (Maybe it’s because she’s married to Mark Burnett, the man sometimes believed to be the “kingmaker” thanks to his role as the producer of The Apprentice, the show that created the myth of Donald Trump being a successful mogul and not a pretty mediocre businessman.)

Trump also follows Burnett and their relationship remains, according to Burnett “one of the greatest of my life”. Rather you than me.

Become a famous golfer

Gary Player is really, really, really good. Go figure.