Jack Collison retires: I am Jack Collison. But I am no longer a footballer

The author, and former midfielder, who wrote movingly about his battle to regain fitness in this paper, explains why he has retired

Jack Collison working on his fitness last November (Andrew Fox)

I knew when I wrote about my long, and often very difficult, battle to regain full fitness in the Independent on Sunday last November, that there was a chance that in the end all my efforts would be in vain.

The headline on that piece was, “I am Jack Collison. Footballer” but as of this weekend I have accepted this is no longer so. Having played the game at a high level, and relished some unforgettable moments, it has been very painful coming to terms with the fact that all those experiences are now in the past. But accept it I must, for I have decided to listen to my body and retire as a professional footballer.

The truth is this moment has been coming for a while, but the harsh reality of actually admitting it and saying it is very different to just thinking about it. I have never been one to give up without a fight, and this fight against injury has truly been a mammoth battle.

When my piece was published in the Independent on Sunday I was deeply moved by the huge reaction it caused. There was an extraordinary outpouring on social media, and not just from West Ham fans, which made it clear to me that my struggle struck a chord among those who had watched me – and those who also played the game professionally.

I never in a million years dreamed at 27 years of age I would be having to announce my retirement, but then again I never thought I would have played in the Premier League and for my country by the age of 19.

I think every kid grows up dreaming of one day playing in packed stadiums against some of the best players in the world. I suppose the only difference is that I became obsessed with this dream at a young age and eventually accomplished it.

I feel very blessed to have achieved what I did in my short time playing the game. However deep down I feel there will always be a sickening feeling of “what if” and a sense that I never fulfilled my potential.

The fact that I have never been fully fit since seriously injuring my knee at the age of 20 may haunt me in later life, but it is something I have grown comfortable enough to live with for the time being.

Not being able to return to full fitness certainly wasn’t through a lack of effort and trying. I dedicated my life to the game and even more so to my knee. Hours in the gym, sleepless nights, countless operations and thousands of pounds visiting the best physio’s around the world, all so I could make it out on to the pitch.

Looking back now, I’m happy that I can look myself in the mirror and say I threw my heart and soul into trying to accomplish my dreams. But the time has finally come to say enough is enough, and admit my body can no longer cope with the demands of modern-day football.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t still wake up some mornings feeling good and think, “one more try”. But that would be unfair. On myself, my fellow professionals and even more so my family. I have put them through hell fighting this battle, over the past couple of seasons especially.

Jack Collison has announced his retirement at the age of 27 (Getty Images)

I don’t want to be remembered for being useless and just picking up my money. I want to bow out with some of my pride intact. I have had plenty of time to mull this over and have not acted hastily in this decision and I must say that my current club, Peterborough United, have acted with class throughout.

They have allowed me to make the easy transition from playing to coaching without any issues and I now intend to repay their faith by helping the next generation make the step from young up-and-coming to first-team superstar.

My passion for playing is slowly dying out, but my passion for football is burning ever so strong. I intend to stay in the game and make my mark in other areas.