Matt Holland: A week of turmoil, and a few more days to go

What a week it has been. And until a final decision on whether I move from Ipswich to Aston Villa is made it seems that next week will be similarly chaotic and stressful. Trust me, being wanted is great, but my life has been a whirlwind since Ipswich accepted the bid from Aston Villa.

This may surprise you, but the first I knew of it was when the Ipswich manager, George Burley, phoned me Wednesday morning to tell me that the club had "reluctantly" accepted Villa's offer.

Yes, there had been rumours, but my knowledge was gleaned from the same source as you – the press. Remember that there had been rumours about my moving to Fulham, Tottenham Hotspur, Middlesbrough and even Torino, so I was not putting too much faith in the latest ones. Graham Taylor, the Villa manager, has since said that negotiations had been ongoing for some time, but I knew nothing about them.

Sitting in Helsinki waiting for that evening's friendly for the Republic against Finland, I sat and thought about a move. I phoned my wife, Paula, and then my agent, who by chance was on his way to Villa Park to discuss terms for Mark Kinsella.

People always tend to concentrate on the glamorous parts of a transfer, the bigger money or the headlines, so what I will now do is take you through my thought processes since that Wednesday call from Burley.

Initially I felt exhilaration. It is very flattering to be wanted, whether it is as a footballer, a salesman or at the school disco. The situation does not matter; the feeling of being coveted fuels a basic human need, satisfies our ego.

Then it changed a little into a question: do I want to leave Ipswich?

Then I knew that I really wanted to be playing in the Premiership again.

Now none of these are decisions, they are just the thoughts that entered my head, and to be honest have been going round inside it ever since.

I searched out Mick McCarthy to inform him of the news and, quite frankly, to ask his opinion. Well, I meant to but it blurted out as: "Will playing in the Nationwide League affect me playing for you and the Republic?"

It is a question that everyone in my position would have asked. I believe I have a few years left as an international footballer, so I needed to know if it was essential to be in the Premiership.

" No," answered McCarthy. "I know what Matt Holland is about and what he can do so go and make the right decision for you, your football and your family." Problem one solved.

I landed back in England on Thursday and my agent talked me through the offer and we decided I had to reject it. This comes under the huge umbrella of "personal terms", which covers money, length of contract, the role a manager wants you to fill, the need to move a family and children and the relative ambition of the two clubs.

That does not mean a move will not happen, but is part of the process of both sides trying to find a package acceptable to each.

Now, my family is hugely important in my decision-making process and I need them to be happy and settled to go out on the pitch and do my best. Paula has from the very beginning said I must make the decision that is right for me and whatever I decide, she and the two boys will support me.

Sam, the youngest, thinks a move is brilliant, but he has decided on Bermuda, where we went on holiday after the World Cup. Despite that, I still have to consider them in making my final decision.

Graham Taylor phoned me on Thursday night and spoke to me for roughly 45 minutes about the club, my football and ambition and his football and ambition, and he told me that he really wanted me but he understood the factors that I had to consider. It was a fantastic chat that impressed me hugely. Now I must decide what to do.

Today I will sit down with Paula and go through every aspect that affects the decision. Both Villa and Ipswich are great clubs and both managers are top-class.

I must admit it was a relief to cross the white line and actually play yesterday, at least my head was not spinning for 90 minutes.

Just being back among players on the training field helped, and equally it was a wonderful feeling to meet up with the Republic squad again last Sunday evening.

Naturally there was a bit of banter about the summer and Jason McAteer, the captain for the Finland game was, as usual, the unwitting cause of many of the jokes. "Good luck for 100 caps" was met with a cry, 'What? It's taken me 15 years to get 50!"

The best thing about the trip, however, was the way 10 new faces were assimilated into the unit. There was a definite sense that the World Cup adventure was past and Euro 2004 was all-important. And we got just the kind of victory we needed. It continued a wonderful run of form, boosted confidence in the old 'uns as well as the newcomers and proved that our football has strength in depth and a real quality.

Naturally we swapped stories about our respective summer holidays and Shay Given dominated with his tales of meeting Bono, the lead singer of U2, in the south of France. For most it would be a thrill, for a self-confessed U2 nut it was "a dream".

"Not only did I meet him," he continued, "but he took my mobile number, called me two weeks later and invited the wife and I for Sunday lunch." We could not shut him up. "Not only lunch. We tried to find a hotel and he wouldn't let us. Just pick a bedroom he said. So we stayed the night."

For our keeper, meeting the rock star really was "A Beautiful Day".

Matt Holland, the Ipswich captain, was talking to Iain Fletcher