The Matt Holland Column: It's not heartless – we have to play on and play hard

I would have played on Thursday night if our Uefa Cup match against Torpedo Moscow had not been cancelled, and I would have given 100 per cent as ever. But I must admit to a huge feeling of relief when the game was called off. Life must go on, and it always has done after disaster or war, but the immediacy and intimacy that modern television provided of the terrorist attacks shocked more than just hearing or reading could ever have done.

I sat there stunned, contemplating the fact that but for a quirk of fortune I could have been mourning the loss of my brother, Martyn. He was seconded to New York for three months earlier this year as, of all things, an aviation insurance broker, and two of the five people he worked with then are still missing.

Training next morning was a subdued and sombre affair. As we were changing George Burley, our manager, told us that the game had been called off and our focus changed from Thursday to today. The conversation didn't change, however, and understandably Tuesday has been the main topic of conversation among the players. The banter and laughter that normally accompanies the hard work on the training ground has been absent.

Like the rest of the country, we observed a three-minute silence, around one of the centre circles at the training ground, but for all of us now I think work must continue. That is, all of us in Europe anyway. The American sports have made the right decision to cancel all fixtures this weekend, as a mark of respect but also because of the logistics of travelling across such a vast nation. But we in England and Europe have to play.

We have made heartfelt gestures and mourned, but stopping our own lives serves no purpose. It could be argued that sport is a gentle reintroduction to normal life, and I do not disagree with that sentiment, but unless the games are played in the same competitive manner as before the tragedy, there is no point in playing them. That is not meant to sound heartless, but I think that we can still play for points and see them as valuable, while feeling upset. Anything else would be pointless and could only diminish the proper gestures of sympathy displayed during the week. The cancellation of European fixtures, the European day of mourning and the playing of the American national anthem at Bucking-ham Palace are symbols enough.

Work must start again, and for us that meant preparing for Blackburn Rovers today. Winning home games is vital for a successful season, and despite Blackburn being one of the promoted sides, they are still a tough fixture. They have a very strong squad, with potential match-winners such as Damien Duff, my Republic of Ireland team-mate. Any club that can afford to sell a proven striker like Nathan Blake must have strength in depth. Jason McAteer can't even get in the squad for today, and yet two weeks ago I was hugging him after his winner against Holland in the World Cup qualifiers.

None the less it is a game that we must win. When George Burley was a player the club reached European competitions nine times in 10 seasons, and now that we have proved to ourselves that a top-six place is a realistic aim, we have to make Portman Road a difficult place to visit.

Getting everyone on the training field for the first time in a number of weeks has certainly helped, and the time has been predominantly spent working on our shape. Against Leicester we played 4-3-3, did well and should have won, and it is one of our strengths that we can adjust to differing systems depending on the opposition. In the First Division we used 5-3-2 with wing-backs, but spent much of last season playing a more traditional 4-4-2. Now we are in Europe we need this adaptability if we are to progress.

Much of our training for Torpedo Moscow had been spent analysing their defensive formation and how to break it down. The major problem we will face next Thursday is a crowded midfield area, because they play three in central midfield with one more just behind protecting the back three, and one just in front linking with the two strikers. Frust-ration is a potential enemy at home as the crowd, and ourselves to a certain extent, expect and need goals, so we must be careful not to push too many forward because that will expose us to a fast counterattack.

The coming fortnight is crucial to our season. Thursday is the home leg against Torpedo, Saturday is our easiest game of the season, away at Old Trafford, and then it is off to Moscow for the away leg. Fixture congestion is a problem, and with games being rescheduled for later in the season it will continue to be so, partic-ularly if we stay in the Uefa Cup.

Successful sides always play the most games, so no one at Portman Road will complain. Besides, I won't be the most stressed-out or tired Holland. Brother Martyn is working 15-hour days in crisis meetings while awaiting news of his friends and colleagues.

Matt Holland, the Ipswich Town captain, was talking to Iain Fletcher