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Let’s take the pain out of going to gigs

And surely we can take in a bottle of water

David Lister
Monday 04 January 2016 13:04 GMT
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Crowds at a gig
Crowds at a gig (RICHARD ISAAC/REX FEATURES)

So, 2016 will be the year when booking fees are abolished and ticket prices generally come down.

Well, we can dream. But in the meantime, here are some other ways in which the arts could be made more accessible and more enjoyable than they are now. For, even in this golden age for UK culture, there are too many irritations involved in the supposedly simple act of going out to see a show.

And they can be small, seemingly downright trivial, irritations. For instance, will someone please explain to me why at big rock venues there is someone at the door carefully unscrewing the top on your bottle of water and confiscating said bottle-top? It has to be a contender for the looniest job in Britain. I gather this little rite of passage to the arena occurs because of the danger that the crowd might hurl the bottles in unison at the performer, or at each other. And topless bottles travel less rapidly.

The last time I was a victim of water-bottle unscrewing was at a Leonard Cohen concert, and it did at least give me a divertingly fanciful vision of a middle-aged audience hurling their water bottles in unison at an 81 year-old man.

On the subject of rock gigs, could the tickets not tell us a little more? Are they for the standing or seated areas? Are they in front of, or to the side of, the stage? Why do these things have to be a surprise?

Next, to theatre. No ‘restricted view’ seats should sell for more than £10. Memo to theatre producers: the view is actually a rather important factor in seeing a play. If it is restricted, then the pleasure is hugely diminished, and to charge anything more than a token amount is unethical.

Can we have an end in 2016 please to those insidious ‘restoration levies’ that are increasingly added to the already high ticket prices? Translated, a restoration levy is helping a millionaire, no make that billionaire, commercial theatre owner to revamp their venue. We should all boycott these levies, unless we are offered a share in the profits as a quid pro quo.

For all the performing arts, programmes need to be more informative. At present the actor biography, that is just a list of plays, is ubiquitous and frankly meaningless, as they usually don’t even tell us which part the actor played. Programmes for classical concerts are even worse, as they generally just list a musician’s upcoming engagements. Could they not tell us something about the artist’s life, career and inspirations?

As I say, there is no doubting that we are in a golden age as far as the arts in the UK are concerned; but if those responsible for putting on concerts and plays showed just just a little more consideration for audiences - our comfort, convenience and bank balances - then this truly would be a happy 2016.

A callous comment from Martin McDonagh

The playwright Martin McDonagh, whose Royal Court play Hangmen has successfully transferred to London’s West End, has called for more support of new writing in the UK. I agree with that sentiment. He adds that there should be more support for theatres in the regions. I agree with that sentiment. He also tells The Stage that the government should cut “subsidies to the bankers” instead of cuts to venues outside London. I agree with that sentiment. He concludes: “I don’t care how many bankers hang themselves, but I do care about northern theatres closing down.” I deplore that sentiment. Stupid, callous and unpleasant, it not only destroys his earlier, saner points, it makes it look like theatre itself lacks perspective and decency.

Here’s the sure way to a fundraiser’s heart

Those behind the proposed £278m new London concert hall, which will be home to the London Symphony Orchestra under Sir Simon Rattle, are seeking a wealthy donor to give up to £125m of the cost of the project. In return he or she can have their name on the new hall. But Sir Nicholas Kenyon, chief executive of the Barbican Centre, and the other leading lights behind the project should gear their thoughts more to the wealthy donor’s mother. A successful arts fund-raiser in America tells me that her key to raising a lot of money from donors is promising them their mother’s name on the front of a building. Never underestimate the power of filial affection. Mum’s the word, Sir Nicholas.

d.lister@independent.co.uk; Twitter:@davidlister1

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