Radio 4's Round Britain Quiz will still be recorded long after all human life on Earth has ceased

In the latest series, Marcus Berkmann is half of South of England, accompanying the eminent science writer and broadcaster Simon Singh

Illustration by Ping Zhu

If you have been listening to the new series of Round Britain Quiz on Radio 4, you may have wondered, is that Marcus Berkmann the same bloke whose columns I nearly get round to reading on Saturday mornings? And the answer is: yes.

One of the few benefits of having this ridiculous name is that there aren't boatloads of spare Marcus Berkmanns sloshing around, clogging up international shipping lanes. One of my best friends is called Bob Jones, a name so common that there actually exists a Bob Jones University in the US, presumably to take in some of the overspill. Bob reckons that every time he gets on a train, there's at least one other Bob Jones on it, and there may be more. They should band together and insist on their own carriage.

What might Dr Parnassus do with Molière’s Argan, Soren Lorenson and the square root of minus 1?

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Round Britain Quiz has been on Radio 4 since the dawn of time, and will still be recorded long after all human life on Earth has ceased. It's the one with the incredibly knotty and knobbly crossword clue-like questions, asked these days by Tom Sutcliffe, and answered by teams of two, each representing rather substantial chunks of the United Kingdom. In this series I am half of South of England, accompanying the eminent science writer and broadcaster Simon Singh. We are on four shows of the current run of 12, playing the North of England twice and Northern Ireland twice. I know all this, and I even know the results, because we recorded the whole series in a hotel in the Midlands a couple of months ago. If we are asked back next year, we shall play two different teams, possibly the ferocious Welsh side, David and Myfanwy, who habitually sweep all before them with their breathtaking knowledge and warp-speed brains. Everyone treats them with great respect, and hopes to be playing someone else.

This is Simon's first go on RBQ, but my second. I stood in for Fred Housego in 2012, when he was having a knee operation. It was a terrifying experience. Even if you like quizzes as much as I do, RBQ questions are exceptionally intimidating. "What might Dr Parnassus do with Molière's Argan, Soren Lorenson and the square root of minus 1?" It obviously means something, but what? Each team has to answer four questions and we are handed them on sheets of A4 at the beginning of the show, as the theme music is being played. (The show's recorded in real time, without an audience.) Points are deducted every time Tom has to give us a hint or say no, that's completely wrong, it's nothing to do with the periodic table. He's very patient. There are no Paxman-like sighs of horror and dismay, even though he knows as well as the rest of us that listeners are jumping up and down at home in frustration, because the link that is completely opaque to us is blindingly obvious to them. Until recently, I was that listener.

But what's the worst that can happen? No one knows everything, except possibly the Welsh team. Once you have quenched the fear of failure, what's left is unimaginable exhilaration when you do get something right. RBQ is an adrenaline ride like no other, the quizzer's Cresta Run. We recorded the whole series in two and half days, and after my last show I slept for hours.

All that remains is to wait for next year and hope that we will be invited back. It will be more nerve-wracking waiting for the invitation than actually recording the show.