I love TOWIE, but I wish it would stop portraying toxic relationships as 'reality'

It's not that controlling behaviour doesn't exist, but by presenting it as a fact of life without comment it only helps perpetuate the idea that it's normal

Jasmin Walia argues with Dan Osborne, watched by Grace Andrews and Georgia Kousoulou (Beretta/Sims/REX Shutterstock)

The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE) has been gracing our screens since 2010, with its orange glowing women, cocky men and ridiculous catchphrases. I've watched the show since day one, and would count myself as a big fan. But now we’ve reached the 16th season, there’s something I’ve started to feel increasingly uneasy towards.

One trend that seems to dominate the show is possession. Regular phrases we hear are “That's my bird”, “We may have broken up a year ago, but you're still mine”, “I don't care if you're single now - you can't get with anyone else”, and so on. This conduct isn't just from the grunting alpha males, however – fans of the show will remember the obsessive tendencies of Lauren Goodger over Mark Wright (which apparently still continue to this day).

But ultimately it's the men and their possessive approaches to relationships that have defined relationships on the show, and made me feel most uneasy. Both on and off the screen there have been instances of TOWIE’s male stars controlling their girlfriends and exes. Dan Osborne was arrested on suspicion of assault on his ex-girlfriend last November (he was released without charge), and was temporarily removed from the show for his abusive rants to her in April.

None of Osborne's aggressive behaviour caught on screen, but some of the domestics in TOWIE have left me wincing. Dani Armstrong and James Locke’s messy breakup from season 15 is a prime example. One night, Dani didn't wake up to let Locke in after he forget his keys, so he proceeded to send her a torrent of abusive messages to wake up to.

Meanwhile, Chloe Lewis and Jake Hall have the unhealthiest relationship of them all. Having been in a long-term relationship before appearing on the show, the couple transferred their childish and irrational arguments seamlessly onto the screen. Recently, Hall fell out with one of his friends for taking Chloe to a bar where a man he doesn't know was drinking. If that's not controlling, I don't know what is.

Obviously, this type of behaviour also defines people's relationships in real life. In that sense, TOWIE is "reality". And for some, the dramatic nature of some of the relationships is so melodramatic that it's entertaining. But if we are to accept that possessive or controlling behaviour is objectionable, and that young people often take cues from what they see on TV (especially if it's sold as being 'real'), then how can its portrayal be justified?