It doesn't matter that Love Island is 'just TV' – there's a reason why women are saying Adam's behaviour is unacceptable

We've all known an Adam: he’s the kind of guy you meet who won’t offer you any form of commitment. He tells you that 'clingy' girls are his least favourite so that you’re forewarned not to ever appear needy. He’ll tell you that his ex was 'psycho'

Last night’s Love Island antics ruffled the feathers of many viewers up and down the country, as we witnessed lothario contestant Adam harshly ditch his current partner Rosie for new villa inhabitant Zara.

Why were we all so aggrieved with Adam’s behaviour? Was it the way he went about hopping from one girl to the next or was it because we’ve all known an “Adam” in our time?

For those who either didn’t see last night’s show or who are avoiding it like a Game Of Thrones spoiler, here’s some context: Adam was previously coupled up with Kendall, who he ditched for Rosie, but then he was selected by newcomer Zara for a date.

Instead of doing what any decent person would do and let Rosie down gently, or at least do the decent thing and have a proper discussion with her first, Adam ignored his partner for the whole day, finished the date smugly, told Rosie that he’d had a brilliant time and then made out as if Rosie had been putting him off by being sullen. He even used the term “face like a slapped arse.”

Later on in the show, Rosie pulled him aside for a heartfelt discussion where she told him that he’d actually hurt her feelings and pleaded with him to think about his behaviour. And what did Adam do? He sat there, smirked, and complained that she’d nodded at him.

Social media came alight with tweets about his bad behaviour, comparing his actions to emotional abuse. Adam was accused by many of “gaslighting” Rosie by making her doubt herself as he blamed her for his sudden disinterest – and for his new interest in Zara.

At one point, it even appeared that somebody from within Adam’s own family was wading in – tweeting critically from an unofficial account and assuring the nation they would never condone such behaviour from their relative. However, these tweets were then uploaded to Adam’s official Instagram page, with a caption explaining that they were not the words of the family. The message was blunt in its riposte to critics: “Say what you will, it’s just a reality game show.”

That is true of course. Any contestant going on to a show such as Love Island must be aware that the sole motive for most wannabe reality stars is fame, endorsements and adulation from fans. Nonetheless, even in this context Adam’s behaviour is wholly unacceptable.

Adam may not actually be interested in any of the girls. He may well be “playing the game” to win the most air-time, controversy and attention, but, as co-contestant Alex reminded Jack, people’s feelings are involved.

But is this behaviour endemic among straight men? Social media would certainly lead you to believe so. I and many of my Twitter followers have taken to our platforms to reminisce over the times we have all dated an Adam. So what is “an Adam”?

Well, he’s the kind of guy you meet who won’t offer you any form of commitment. He tells you that “clingy” girls are his least favourite so that you’re forewarned not to ever appear needy. He’ll tell you that his ex was “psycho” so that you know not to exhibit any behaviours such as: asking where he is, needing him to call you, being paranoid that he’s cheating on you, or getting angry and frustrated with him for how he’s treating you. He’ll make you believe that you’re the “cool girl”, the one who understands him and would never try to change him. He manipulates you into thinking you are special and not like the others so that you succumb to every whim now you are “the chosen one”.

The problem with “Adams” is that (game show or not), they aren’t looking for love, commitment or even necessarily to be a one-woman-guy.

And the problem with Love Island is that it’s a format where the contestants are forced to be desperate in a bid to save their places in the villa. It therefore normalises behaviour that causes genuine distress in the real world.

Sure, some guys might watch this show and see Adam as a kind of god. They might relate to his desire to have his cake and eat it and they might not see the psychological damage playing with someone’s emotions, self-esteem and confidence can have. Indeed, many male viewers took to social media to diminish the outrage by reminding everyone that “it’s just a game” or, “that’s what guys do” but have they ever been on the receiving end of, “an Adam”?

Female viewers, like myself, watched last night’s episode in horror. We were aghast at how someone could completely disregard the feelings of someone they had been recently intimate with; but most of all, we were starkly reminded of all of the times we have suffered at the whim of our own “Adams”.