Somebody tell Quidco there is no market value to a loved one’s welcoming hug

The cashback website's survey reports that ‘a happy marriage’ will cost you £267,357 over a lifetime

A survey of internet bargain hunters found that 84 per cent of those polled claimed to be in a happy marriage (Corbis)

It’s even more bad news for the poor and sentimental, I’m afraid: the best things in life are not, after all, free. So says a survey of married couples by the cashback website Quidco, which presumably aims to demonstrate that the best things in life can be really quite affordable if one simply takes advantage of its eclectic range of online cashback offers.

The good news from this survey of internet bargain hunters is that 84 per cent of those polled claimed to be in a happy marriage. The downside is that “a happy marriage” will supposedly cost you £267,357 over a lifetime. That’s partly because you have to “lay the foundations” of a happy marriage by blowing upwards of 21 grand on a wedding and honeymoon, according to 52 per cent of those surveyed.

Then there’s the regular gifts of jewellery, at £477 a year for “the happiest couples”; the date nights (three per month at £39 each); the getting dolled up for the date nights (£267 a year); and the “romantic nights in” at £15.50 a pop.

But that’s not all, husbands! Because, according to Quidco, “happy wives” receive “one bunch of flowers on average per month”. So, if you don’t mind having a bitter and resentful wife then by all means skip a month and see what happens, but don’t say that Quidco didn’t warn you.

This will all come as a great relief I am sure to single people, who tend to believe that living alone is more expensive than a happy marriage. Now, whenever they order a takeaway for a solitary evening at home, they will remember not to click on that pricey, “romantic” pizza. Presumably, Netflix will offer a special Quidco discount if you only ever watch the Bridget Jones movies.

And, when paying for a taxi home from a night out that lacked smooching, singles should remember that all those poor couples are forking out £1,404 a year for their rare opportunities to sit face to face and talk to each other. What’s more, those people who have no happy marriage to pay for can be confident that they’ll never face the expense of a messy divorce.

Of course, if a happy marriage really had anything to do with money, no celebrities would ever split up. There are those that would be offended if they knew that their shiny engagement ring came with 4.5 per cent cashback off the internet, while others would beat their husband about the head with cut flowers if he ever wasted money on them.

What fortunate couples really know is that it’s not the £15.50 for the supermarket ready meal and the downloaded movie that makes a happy marriage; it’s coming home from a horrible week at work to find that somebody has a hug ready and your tea on the table. As the philosopher Tammy Wynette once wrote: “When you add it all up, the full cost of my love is, no charge.”

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