Pity the Daily Mail journalists who put together that double-page spread about Theresa May and Lisa Nandy's breasts

Look at that temptress Lisa Nandy. Sure, she conceivably might be touted by many as a future Labour leader… but look at that rack!

Lisa Nandy (Getty)

When Theresa May slipped into her “slinky red dress” on Wednesday morning, did she know what effect her outfit would have? Maybe. Maybe she did have had an inkling that it would attract creepy comments from the Mail.

After all, this is the newspaper that has dedicated pages – literally pages - to her choice of footwear (what exactly DO those leopard print heels say about a politician?)

But I can’t imagine she envisaged having a starring role on a double-page photo spread alongside other owners of mammary glands, all of whom happen to be - gasp - politicians. And for the whole spread to suggest - wait, no, blatantly state - that all these politicians consider the raising of a hemline or lowering of a neckline to be a strategic career move.

No, perhaps May was a little too preoccupied to consider the power of her “eye-catching cleavage”. You know, with the Budget announcements that day and all - after all, it’s hard for us puny-brained women to concentrate on too many things at once.

So maybe she was distracted by the news that disabled people were about to be £3,500 worse off a year. Or that growth forecasts for the economy have been revised down. Or, being Home Secretary, that flibbertigibbet brain of hers may have flittered on to the fact that there are still thousands of people trudging across Europe, or living in temporary accommodation in Calais, desperately looking for a home. Like, when she wasn’t weighing up the merits of push-up vs balconette, of course.

At least Theresa’s in good company. Look at that temptress Lisa Nandy. Sure, she may have a degree in politics and a Masters in public policy; she might have worked with charities for the homeless and refugees; she could possibly have been among the first elected female Asian MPs; she conceivably might be touted by many as a future Labour leader… but look at that rack! Surely that’s what got her where she is today? After all, she did speak in Parliament once wearing “a daring top with a cut-out at the bosom”. Ah, we all remember where we were that day, right?

Pity the journalists who, as the country picked apart the fallout out from the Budget, were sent out to report on this hot scoop. The article was penned by Andrew Pierce, who, according to his Twitter biog is a “political hack”.

Was the fashion editor not available? Or do they perhaps have a cleavage correspondent? And honourable mention must go to the (female) picture researcher. Imagine that brief: “No, we need TITS! Go dig out that picture of Nadine Dorries in the jungle. No, not THAT Jungle! The time she wore a swimsuit in I’m A Celeb!”

I realise I’m falling straight into the Mail’s trap here, becoming one of those hand-wringing left-wing feminists right on cue (I couldn’t help it, I’ve been so busy trying to wriggle into this Wonderbra all morning).

But, GOD! It’s 2016! There are women with womanly shapes in all kinds of jobs nowadays. Sometimes they wear swimsuits to go swimming. Sometimes a gust of wind catches them. Sometimes - and I know this is hard to stomach - they like to look presentable and attractive when they get dressed in the morning.

When George Osborne slipped into his well-cut navy-blue suit on Wednesday, did he know the effect his outfit would have? That cheeky little bullet-grey tie, those naughty black lace-up shoes making the most of his lithe limbs.

Was his choice of outfit an important political tool - did he consider raising the hemline of his trousers for a tantalising flash of ankle? No he bloody didn’t. But he didn’t get dressed in the dark either, and had a shave and a haircut to boot.

Did part of him enjoy doing his annual Downing Street budget box photoshoot? Yeah, probably, a bit. Did it diminish his ability to be a sitting politician, with a working brain and everything? No.

If anything, the only people whose ability to do their jobs has been diminished is the slobbering idiots with mummy issues who still giggle, snort and publish double-page spreads whenever they see a hint of boob.