Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (15)
What it says on the tin, no kidding. You thought old Abe was just the guy in the beard and the stovepipe hat who vanquished the Confederacy and put an end to slavery.
Now we learn that as a young man (Benjamin Walker) under the supervision of Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), the President wielded a silver axe to slay vampires everywhere, having vowed revenge on the bloodsucker (Marton Csokas) who killed his mom.
To say that liberties are taken is putting it mildly: vampires also crop up at the battle of Gettysburg, while big-chief vamp Rufus Sewell plots the annexation of the US.
It's all surpassingly silly, adapted from his own novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, whose previous book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, suggests a compulsion to regard nothing as sacred.
Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites
TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Planes go hybrid-electric in important step to greener flight
- 2 Antonio Martin shooting: Police and protesters clash over teenager's death just five miles from Ferguson, Missouri
- 3 Northern Lights above Britain: Stunning Aurora Borealis illuminates Northumberland sky on Christmas Eve
- 4 British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
- 5 New route to Mars could make manned mission much cheaper and easier
Christmas Day TV guide 2014: What to watch from Strictly Come Dancing to the story of Frozen
Cruel Woman in Black prank sees cinema-goers terrified by movie poster - watch their reactions
Best underrated Christmas movies: From Trading Places to While You Were Sleeping
Game of Thrones season five: First preview clip shows a beardy Tyrion, a moody Cersei and a distressed Arya
Christmas TV guide 2014: The best shows to watch from Doctor Who to Downton Abbey
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
Rozanne Duncan: Ukip expels councillor for 'jaw-dropping' comments made in BBC TV interview
Germany anti-Islam protests: 17,000 march on Dresden against 'Islamification of the West'
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food
Ukip member gets into Christmas spirit with Union Flag plea to Santa 'for our country back'