The alternative Olympics, by Chris (Simpsons artist)

the olympics is a bit boring now because there is only so many times you can watch a man jump over a pipe so here is some new events that would make it more interesting to have a watch of

guess the leg - a leg is put through a hole in a wall and the olympians have to guess if the leg is real or made out of oak

the mens 5 mile cuddling contest - men jog for 5 miles cuddling everyone they meet along the way and whoever does the nicest cuddles is the winner. mo farah already cuddles people when he is doing his jogging competitions so he will probably be the best at this one

swomming - exactly like swimming but instead of using your hands as paddles you use your face as a paddle to slap yourself through the water

water polo - a polo mint is kicked into a swimming pool by pele and the first person to find the mint from the pool and feed it to pele is the winner

sack attack - the first person to capture the most children in a sack in 1 hour gets to have a child of their choice coated in solid gold and mounted on a marble base

feather swallowing - this used to be one of the main olympic events until the olympic elders banned it in 1992 after championship feather swallower darren feathers choked to death on his own throat after eating 5 times his body weight in feathers but now that modern day feathers are a lot safer to swallow they should definitely bring this one back

throw tom daley - the person who can throw tom daley off a diving board the furthest wins a golden necklace

drink diving - divers dive themselfs face first into the thick green water below and the person who can drink the most water without dying wins a hat made out of solid gold

wheelchair diving - like drink diving but the person has to eat a wheelchair when they land

tinnis - andy murray gets wrapped up in a net with a couple of tin cans glued over his hands and he has to try and escape from the net or he will be shot

plum rolling - men compete to see who can roll a plum down their wifes back the fastest without her noticing

horse wrestling - olympians take it in turns to wrestle a horse but there is a twist because the horse is on fire

galf - this is quite like golf but instead of golf bats they use whips to slice the ball into a hole

the 100 metre rat race - usain bolt has to ride a giant rat for 100 metres without the rat eating him or getting him pregnant

priest run - the official olympic priest is set loose in the olympic stadium and whoever he kidnaps last is declared the winner of the olympic games

jubo - like judo but each competitor takes turns to wrestle susan boyle to the death

click and collect - 5 players on each team take turns to run over to a button and click it and then run over to a glass box to collect a baton that they must swallow and once all of the batons are swallowed everyone can go home. there is no winners in this one it is just for a bit of fun to take everyones minds off the horse wrestling

rag tag - a rag is passed around the olympic stadium and everyone in the audience gets to have one sniff of it before it is passed along to the next person. when the music stops the person left holding the rag is given a replica rag to take home with them

i hope that you have enjoyed my olympic games and who knows maybe at next years olympics we will see some of these new events and the olympics will be more exciting again like the good old days. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

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