My Edinburgh: Lucy Porter, Comedian

I guarantee that if you follow my Edinburgh festival diet and exercise plan you will lose at least half a stone.*

Week One

Breakfast:

Porridge with fruit - basically whatever fruit Richard Herring has bought and foolishly left in the fridge. I take as much as I can manage without him noticing.

Lunch:

A baked potato from with a healthy filling, plus salad.

Dinner:

Home-made wholewheat pasta with a light tomato sauce.

Drinks:

Plenty of water, fruit juice and herbal teas.

Exercise:

Running up and downhill to the Pleasance. I've joined the gym.

***

Week Two

Breakfast:

Toast and butter. Richard has become suspicious and I think he might be licking his fruit before he puts it in the fridge.

Lunch:

I didn't eat breakfast until about 11.30 because I've started getting up a bit later. So mid-afternoon lunch is the last time I'll eat before my 8.20 show, and technically counts as dinner as well. Call it linner or dunch. It's usually a quick sandwich.

Snacks:

A Tunnock's caramel wafer, or maybe two, to keep me going between dunch and showtime, plus a hotdog after the show.

Drinks:

A relaxing post-show glass of wine, maybe a couple more.

Exercise:

Walking to the Pleasance although guiltily I sometimes take a taxi. I'm still going to the gym, but largely just to sit in the steam room and sweat out the red wine.

***

Week Three

Breakfast:

On waking, I find a half-eaten bag of chips next to my face. I eat a couple and go back to sleep.

Linner/Dunch:

Can't really face eating before my show. Afterwards I manage a hotdog and two burgers.

Snacks:

A couple more hotdogs between late shows, a bag of chips, with the rest for breakfast next day.

Drinks:

Oh God, yes.

Exercise:

Weaving back home via Rapido for chips after getting thrown out a taxi.

*And a couple of years off your life.