Simon Russell Beale – as you've never seen 'her' before

Privates on Parade, the National Service comedy with its famous drag acts, is revived next week, giving one of Britain's biggest stage stars the cross-dressing challenge. Its author, Peter Nichols, recalls the real army revue that inspired the play

Unlike novels, plays are cryogenic. Novels are taken from their shelves, browsed in, read or reread. Most plays remain frozen in archives and libraries, awaiting the kiss of life.

Three of mine that have lain dormant for a dozen years are now being thawed out: Privates on Parade is in rehearsal to open Michael Grandage's season at the Noel Coward theatre, previews from 1 December; when this closes in March, Passion Play opens 50 yards down the road at The Duke of York's; at the same time A Day in the Death of Joe Egg will be performed in Liverpool then Kingston, a motorway pile-up of stuff done between the 1960s and 1980s.

At rehearsals of the first one, I spoke for 15 minutes on the background to the "musical", which it has almost become thanks to the tunes' composer Denis King. The cast (mostly in their twenties) must have wondered who this grey codger was, — myopic, deaf-aided, not even wearing trainers, who during the reading laughed more than anyone else at jokes he had himself written (or, in some cases, stolen). His talk, interspersed with readings from his memoir Feeling You're Behind, tried to explain the background and what the Malayan Emergency was, even what Malaya was.

He didn't dodge the question of whether the play at all resembles his dimly remembered reality but said he'd been there in 1947, in CSE, a pan-services outfit formed to entertain teenage troops who longed only to get home and start their adult lives. The Entertainments National Service Association (ENSA) ended with the war and ours took its place: Every Night Something Awful became Chaos Succeeds ENSA.

Among those who escaped the tedium of poorly paid national service, with its guard and cookhouse duties, by singing, dancing and trying to be funny, were the future stars Stanley Baxter and Kenneth Williams and the film director John Schlesinger, at this time a conjuror. In order not to be "returned to unit", we contrived a revue that became in time the basis of Privates.

The first departure from reality was that we weren't privates but were all given the rank of acting sergeant, in the military sense, that allowed us to be entertained in NCOs' messes up-country and in Hong Kong. But the present title was too good a double entendre to miss. I'd first named it "Jungle Jamboree" but Lady Antonia Fraser said she much preferred the other. Stanley Baxter went to see its first production fearing I'd commit some actionable slander. He came away disappointed, saying, "It was nothing like the truth." It's a mish-mash or collage gathered from my two and a half years in the RAF before, during and after the period in question. The showbiz unit lasted only eight months of my 85 years but in my memoir, the chapter describing it, "My University", is more than 40 pages long. This, too, was meant to be accurate but is also a pack of lies thereby resembling the entire nostalgia industry of which it could be said to be a small part.

I hardly knew but studiously observed Barri Chatt, the drag queen who is to be embodied by Simon Russell Beale. He was a civilian performer who had, in his words, "signed on for sun and fun". The one scene that's practically verbatim is at a dress-rehearsal where Terri/Barri opposes the corrupt and criminal sergeant-major, whose future suicide and military funeral – in a billet watched by several other men – became a hilarious party piece for both Kenneth and Stanley, an event since embroidered out of all recognition. "I am not I," wrote Evelyn Waugh at the end of Brideshead Revisited, "thou art not he or she; they are not they." And Private Flowers isn't I either, though like him I blossomed during those months, not (regrettably) through the tuition of a beautiful Eurasian dancer as in Privates. It was in my previous years in Calcutta that I observed the real-life person who inspired her character and the Madame Butterfly-like story of her love for a British soldier. I didn't meet the person who inspired Eric Young-Love, whose fate is to keep on conjuring even when the lights go out, till my last months of service in a billet at Changi, the notorious Japanese prison-camp. Kenneth and Stanley don't appear in the show at all but are its unacknowledged co-authors.

After I'd talked to the cast for 15 minutes, Michael Grandage told me I'd delighted them long enough. Perhaps a better metaphor than cryogenic for my appearance that day would be as one of the un-dead. I had in fact once played the bloodthirsty Count Dracula on the stage of the present home of Scottish Opera.

Now in my eighties, it often feels that I'm half-alive among the gone-before. Kenneth and John are no more; Stanley survives. From the original show of 1976, Denise Quilley and Nigella Hawthorne have only just been joined by Joanna Melia at that great audition in the sky, as Terri would put it. I Imagine their long silence before the sonorous voice from a dark auditorium: "We'll let you know."

In 1948, before the real Emergency began, we had sun, beaches, an exotic city and land to explore; but still we mostly longed for our drizzley northern homes, as the show's final song affirms: "And when we're there we'll never more roam/ From the heart of home sweet home."

'Privates on Parade', the first in a five-play season by the Michael Grandage Company, Noel Coward Theatre, London WC2 (0844 482 5141; michaelgrandagecompany.com) to 2 March

What a drag: How Simon Russell Beale becomes Carmen Miranda

Simon Russell Beale who plays Captain Terri Dennis has three major drag numbers as Marlene Dietrich, Vera Lynn and the Brazilian film star and singer Carmen Miranda. Even when he goes off stage to transform into a woman, it only takes a couple of minutes for the make-up team to stick on his eyelashes and stick on some lipstick.

He already has basic make up on anyway and he wears a male corset under his shorts and top to keep him trim throughout the show. His arms, legs and chest have been waxed, his hair dyed and his eyebrows plucked – he has been given an all-over fake body tan. For his change into Carmen Miranda, he wears a bodice with inbuilt breasts, a wraparound skirt and platform shoes specially made for his large feet. The turban and headpiece is all one piece – covered in beads and fruit. He wears a wig and a bra for the other numbers.

After the Dietrich scene, he changes on stage. He removes the hat, the wig and make up, then he takes off the dress and the breasts. He is left there in his corset and his stockings when a young soldier knocks on his door. We watch him put on his sailor outfit for another number.

Charlotte Cripps

Arts and Entertainment
Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey

film Sex scene trailer sees a shirtless Jamie Dornan turn up the heat

Arts and Entertainment
A sketch of Van Gogh has been discovered in the archives of Kunsthalle Bremen in Germany
arts + ents
Arts and Entertainment
Eleanor Catton has hit back after being accused of 'treachery' for criticising the government.
books
Arts and Entertainment
Fake Banksy stencil given to artist Alex Jakob-Whitworth

art

Arts and Entertainment
'The Archers' has an audience of about five million
radioA growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried
PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
Taylor Swift is heading to Norwich for Radio 1's Big Weekend

music
Arts and Entertainment
Beer as folk: Vincent Franklin and Cyril Nri (centre) in ‘Cucumber’
tvReview: This slice of gay life in Manchester has universal appeal
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
‘A Day at the Races’ still stands up well today
film
Arts and Entertainment
‘The Royals’ – a ‘twisted, soapy take on England’s first family’
tvAnd its producers have already announced a second season...
Arts and Entertainment
Kraftwerk performing at the Neue Nationalgalerie (New National Gallery) museum in Berlin earlier this month
musicWhy a bunch of academics consider German electropoppers Kraftwerk worthy of their own symposium
Arts and Entertainment
Icelandic singer Bjork has been forced to release her album early after an online leak

music
Arts and Entertainment
Colin Firth as Harry Hart in Kingsman: The Secret Service

film
Arts and Entertainment
Brian Blessed as King Lear in the Guildford Shakespeare Company's performance of the play

theatre
Arts and Entertainment
In the picture: Anthony LaPaglia and Martin Freeman in 'The Eichmann Show'

tv
Arts and Entertainment
Anne Kirkbride and Bill Roache as Deirdre and Ken Barlow in Coronation Street

tvThe actress has died aged 60
Arts and Entertainment
Marianne Jean-Baptiste defends Joe Miller in Broadchurch series two

tv
Arts and Entertainment
The frill of it all: Hattie Morahan in 'The Changeling'

theatre
Arts and Entertainment
Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny may reunite for The X Files

tv
Arts and Entertainment
Jeremy Clarkson, left, and Richard Hammond upset the locals in South America
TV
News
A young woman punched a police officer after attending a gig by US rapper Snoop Dogg
people
Arts and Entertainment
Reese Witherspoon starring in 'Wild'

It's hard not to warm to Reese Witherspoon's heroismfilm
Arts and Entertainment
Word up: Robbie Coltrane as dictionary guru Doctor Johnson in the classic sitcom Blackadder the Third
books

Arts and Entertainment
The Oscar nominations are due to be announced today

Oscars 2015
Arts and Entertainment
Hacked off: Maisie Williams in ‘Cyberbully’

Maisie Williams single-handedly rises to the challenge

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything and Benedict Cumberbatch in The Imitation Game are both nominated at the Bafta Film Awards
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

    As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

    Mussolini tried to warn his ally of the danger of bringing the country to its knees. So should we, says Patrick Cockburn
    Britain's widening poverty gap should be causing outrage at the start of the election campaign

    The short stroll that should be our walk of shame

    Courting the global elite has failed to benefit Britain, as the vast disparity in wealth on display in the capital shows
    Homeless Veterans appeal: The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty
    Prince Charles the saviour of the nation? A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king

    Prince Charles the saviour of the nation?

    A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king
    How books can defeat Isis: Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad

    How books can defeat Isis

    Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad
    Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

    Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

    She may be in charge of minimising our risks of injury, but the chair of the Health and Safety Executive still wants children to be able to hurt themselves
    The open loathing between Barack Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu just got worse

    The open loathing between Obama and Netanyahu just got worse

    The Israeli PM's relationship with the Obama has always been chilly, but going over the President's head on Iran will do him no favours, says Rupert Cornwell
    French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

    French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

    Fury at British best restaurants survey sees French magazine produce a rival list
    Star choreographer Matthew Bourne gives young carers a chance to perform at Sadler's Wells

    Young carers to make dance debut

    What happened when superstar choreographer Matthew Bourne encouraged 27 teenage carers to think about themselves for once?
    Design Council's 70th anniversary: Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch

    Design Council's 70th anniversary

    Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch
    Dame Harriet Walter: The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment

    Dame Harriet Walter interview

    The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment
    Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

    Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

    Critics of Tom Stoppard's new play seem to agree that cerebral can never trump character, says DJ Taylor
    Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's winter salads will make you feel energised through February

    Bill Granger's winter salads

    Salads aren't just a bit on the side, says our chef - their crunch, colour and natural goodness are perfect for a midwinter pick-me-up
    England vs Wales: Cool head George Ford ready to put out dragon fire

    George Ford: Cool head ready to put out dragon fire

    No 10’s calmness under pressure will be key for England in Cardiff
    Michael Calvin: Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links

    Michael Calvin's Last Word

    Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links