I’m drinking vicariously through my dad – it’s the only way I can cope

It's cold, wet and the service is worse than Fawlty Towers but can Charlotte Cripps enjoy her dad’s 88th birthday party on fizzy water?

(Illustration by Amara May)

It turns out that staying in this hotel in Cornwall during Covid is like being in my own private episode of Fawlty Towers. My friend Chloe, who came with us, said it was the worst service she had experienced anywhere in the whole world. Mind you, she usually stays at five-star boutique hotels in Bali – not a weather-beaten hotel on the Lizard peninsula with Storm Francis battering the coast.

I was surprised as it’s normally top-notch. But clearly the coronavirus pandemic has impacted the day-to-day running of the place. There is a hoover outside in the corridor, which we are encouraged to use as the cleaners can’t come into our hotel rooms until we have vacated them for at least three hours. “That’s convenient,: I think to myself. ”Get the guests doing the cleaning!"

Dining tables are scattered all over the ground floor to keep guests socially distanced, meaning we eat dinner in the hallway one night.