Notwithstanding their commendable ability to put Baby Spice out of action for a couple of weeks, the platform plimsoll is fast approaching its sell-by date. You stand tall, but then what? Every vertiginous step becomes a perilous duel with gravity. A couple of years after they first hit the streets pundits are beginning to question the fashion genius in glueing foam bricks to your trainers because ...

if God had meant us to be taller, he would have given us stacked ankles;

there are only so many rubber trees in the world;

going sideways up stairs looks, frankly, strange;

Frankenstein's monster, as dressed by Hollywood, beat you to the look by 50 years;

people may overlook inconsistency in their friends' width, but surely the least they can expect is a little stability in their height;

let's face it, they're disco stilts.

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