Chemistry versus compatibility; what’s more important?
Friday 26 October 2012
The first kiss was so amazing you were overcome with starry-eyed dreaminess and there were imaginary fireworks going off around you, it’s just a shame you had nothing to talk about over dinner.
Or was it the other way around; loads in common but the butterflies and physical attraction just wasn’t there? It’s that age old question; is chemistry more important than compatibility or vice versa? We’re all looking for the perfect relationship but is there such a thing and can we realistically have it all?
Chemistry versus compatibility
Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between a couple. You like the same food, you’re into the same music and share the same sense of humour; in fact, you get on so well you believe you’re the perfect match. That is, of course, until you decide to take your relationship to the next level. When it comes to anything physical the pieces of the puzzle just don’t seem to fit. Essentially compatibility is the similarities between lifestyles and values that make the relationship work without too much forcing or compromising on anyone’s part.
On the flip side of the coin, you don’t enjoy the same social activities, you have the opposite taste in music and you can’t agree on what restaurant to go to for dinner however, you’re so physically attracted to each other you’re convinced you’ve never/will never feel this way about anyone ever again. Chemistry largely relies on biology and is that intangible, unspoken connection that results in feelings of lust, sexual excitement and romance. There’s no real logic to chemistry but when you have it with someone, you just feel it.
So back to our earlier question; does one always win over the other in terms of being more important to the success of a relationship or is it possible to ever have both? Should we be happy to compromise on one or the other; have the chemistry and learn to love the things we don’t really like in our partner or create our own chemistry based on our shared interests and passions? In most relationships one may be a higher priority than the other and likewise, the absence of one may be a ‘dealbreaker’ for some.
So how does this translate to online dating?
Online dating is primarily about judging people on the information you have about them; the information they put in their profile and the photo they choose to represent themselves with online. So what if you find someone online who is perfect on paper? They tick all of the right boxes, so to speak, and your profiles seem tailor-made for each other. You send them a message, they reply and the more and more you talk to them the more you’re convinced they’re your soulmate. Everything’s going great so you arrange to meet up only to find that there’s no chemistry between you on the actual date and everything falls a bit flat.
Likewise, it’s all too easy to write someone off because their ideals don’t match our own; simply moving onto the next profile because they ticked ‘sport’ as an interest as opposed to the ‘movies’ box. However, who’s to say that just because you don’t look compatible on paper, you won’t have chemistry in real life?
The lesson here is that until you give someone a chance, you’ll never know whether or not you’re a good match – compatibility wise or chemistry wise. Love operates on many levels, including both biology and behaviour . So don’t judge a person solely on their online profile. It’s up to you to give them a chance and decide what feels right. The rest, we’re sure, will all slot into place.
Diving in at the deep end is no excuse for shirking the style stakes