Dating Advice: Make your own rules

When it comes to dating there tends to be an invisible rule book which most of us follow religiously. Millions of rules, most of which are nothing but mind games, that we feel we must abide by should we find ourselves on the dating scene. With so many rules and so much not-so-helpful advice - for example, ‘don’t kiss on a first date’, ‘don’t commit to a weekend date after Wednesday’, ‘don’t order spaghetti if you’re going for dinner’ and so on - we just end up more confused than when we started.

The truth is dating isn’t about games and rules, and while other peoples advice is great, it’s not always that helpful. You see, dating is about making the right decisions for you. So here at Independent Singles we’ve put paid to a few of the most common absurd dating rules that we’ve come across along the way, to make sure you spend your time impressing rather than stressing.

Don’t kiss on a first date: First dates throw up a minefield of do’s and don’ts that, quite frankly, could send even the most confident person into a confused frenzy. Kissing isn’t an exception. Apparently, kissing on a first date shows you’re too keen, but surely the fact that you’re already on a date with the person shows that you like them? Nothing is more exciting and nerve-wracking than a first date kiss. So if the chemistry is there and the moment feels right forget this archaic rule and go for it!

Don’t text after a first date: So after making it through all of the rules on the actual date, you’ve now got a whole new list of rules to follow, instead of enjoying your post-date euphoria. According to this rule, send a text immediately after the date and the content is almost irrelevant. The timing says it all. Even the most breezy of messages will carry with it undertones of desperation. But what if you genuinely had a nice time or you want to make sure your date got home safe? I say if you had a nice time and you want to tell them, well then tell them!

Do not accept a Saturday night date after a Wednesday: The key here is to pretend that you already have plans, even if those plans involve alphabetically arranging your DVD collection. So there you are Saturday night, dateless, and facing a night in with your dusty DVD collection, while thoughts of all the fun you could be having hi-jack your mind. My point? Ditch this outrageous rule and if you’re free say you’re free, whatever day of the week it is!

Play hard to get: There’s nothing wrong with maintaining an air of mystery. However, acting as though you’re not interested sort of defeats the object, doesn’t it? Playing hard to get can go one of two ways. Either the thrill of the chase will work wonders and you’ll secure yourself a date or the other person will get bored a lose interest. Best to play it safe, ditch this rule altogether and own up to how you really feel.

Picking up the bill: Of all the dating rules, surely the most fraught is working out who pays for what. Should it be the person who initiated the date, as it was their idea? What about the guy? Every guy in the history of dates has always paid the bill, isn't that just the way it works? Or how about splitting it evenly down the middle, fair and square, even though you had a three course meal and your date only had the one? In this case, each date is different so it’s best to play it by ear as opposed to stubbornly sticking to a ‘rule’. If you are not paying be considerate of what you order, or maybe say ‘it’s my treat’ from the off-set so you both know where you stand. Whatever you do make sure it works for the two of you and you’re not just going along with it because once upon a time, someone somewhere said that’s the way it works!

Final thought… When it comes to dating, I’m not a big fan of following rules. If the chemistry is there, things should flow pretty smoothly by just being yourself, talking about what interests you and listening to what the other person has to say. The only rule you should follow is to ‘follow your own rules’. At least that way you’ll be able to order the spaghetti if you fancy it!

And now you've set your mind at rest, why not join Independent Singles for free and put your dating skills to the test.