Dear Lord, what fresh hell is this? See-through is fashionable now?
Sheer, please, not see-through. It's subtle translucence, not head-to-toe clear PVC.
OK, getting marginally less Eurotrash. Although it still sounds like people might be able to see my underwear
If they can, you're doing it wrong. This season's sheers are panelled into simple pieces to create a graphic patchwork. Alternatively, layer sheers over opaque fabrics to soften the edges of a silhouette.
So I'll not be wafting around in acres of billowing gauze like a Barbara Cartland heroine?
Up to you what you do in your spare time but, for the purposes of spring/summer fashion, this is more about technical-looking mesh and a minimalist vibe. Other styles that err on the side of girlish get an edge with bold colour and strong shapes – resolutely modern romance over period drama.
Hit me with it then. Which bits of my bod are going to need honing and toning?
Up to you, really – this draped beauty from Helmut Lang (above, £430, my-wardrobe.com) is the catwalk real deal and requires good knees and a nice firm thigh (the left in particular). Or for a sportier, everyday take, show off shapely upper arms in French Connection's sheer-sleeved sweatshirt (£47, asos.com).