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Making your mark: The world's most bizarre tattoos

It used to be a sign of spirituality or a symbol of your clan. Now, the tattoo is just a way to make a statement. And the more unusual – or embarrassing – the better

By Charlotte Philby

On 11 December 1787, part of a French naval fleet led by Commodore Comte de la Perouse became stranded in shallow waters off the northern coast of Tutuila, in the South Pacific. The sailors had set off from Brest two years earlier, on a tempestuous voyage to Australia; as they reached the area now known as American Samoa, the sailors started to search for a piece of land on which to lay their flag.

But for many of the would-be colonists, the journey came to a fatal end. The sailors attempted to step ashore not far from where their marooned vessel had landed when a band of natives attacked, leaving many of the men dead on the beach. Those who survived later described their aggressors as a band of strange looking creatures, their skin adorned with elaborate geometric designs, giving the men the appearance of being clothed, though they were in fact.........  f naked. Some years earlier, Captain Cook noted similar markings adorning the skin of indigenous tribes of the Marquesas Islands. These instances were the first recorded sightings of the "tatu" – a Haitian term meaning "to mark" – and what was for the people of Polynesia an ancient practice with a deep cultural significance. The markings were said to represent a person's spiritual being, to indicate one's social status and herald an allegiance to a specific belief system.

While sailors returning from the South Pacific are said to have brought this Polynesian tradition back to Europe, there is evidence of body art in Britain as far back as the 6th century within ancient Celtic culture. Clansmen inscribed their skin with various knot-like symbols – using a blue plant extract known as woad – as a tribal emblem. In Africa and South America, too, tattoos have long been used as a badge of identity.

Today in Britain, tattoos remain a popular signifier of allegiance, taste and culture. In fact, they have never been more prevalent in our Western culture. We now have a number of genres to speak of, and each fulfils an important social function. Among the most popular is the "partner" tattoo. With these, a person permanently inscribes the name of their lover on to a (usually very visible) piece of their flesh. An indelible way of saying "I'm yours", the tattoo can also serve as a memento of happy times, to be cherished once the relationship has irreparably broken down. Then there are Asian symbols: Chinese, Japanese, Nepalese – it doesn't matter, as long as the tattoo (apparently) means "Om" or "Tiger" and it is done on a beach in Thailand – or in Camden Market. These scream "life-experience".

Finally, there are those belonging to the "other" category, like the ones exhibited on these pages. These include the "Swayzaur" – a tuxedo-wearing Patrick Swayze depicted as a Centaur – and the "I'm Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano" promise, not to mention a handless arm adorned with a tattooed fingernail, or a game of Pac-Man etched on to a man's posterior. All of these spectacular creations are part of a series showcased in a book which claims to examine "the greatest development of human artistic expression: the objectively awful tattoo".

'No Regrets: The Best, Worst & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever' by Aviva Yael & P M Chen is published by Little, Brown. To order a copy at the special price of £11.69, including postage and packing, call Independent Books Direct on 08700 798 897

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Comments

Japanese tattoos feature beautiful carp
[info]sparkozy wrote:
Friday, 5 June 2009 at 06:27 pm (UTC)
... but these tattoos are just utter carp! The world's most ridiculous, more like. I mean, Pacman on your arse, Michael Moore, Barbie, an alien on the back of your head?! I plan to have a tattoo of Damien Hurst on my arse. After having the pleasure of sitting on it for a few months, I'll have it skin grafted off and sell it pickled in formaldehyde on eBay.
Re: Japanese tattoos feature beautiful carp
[info]don_jolly wrote:
Thursday, 9 July 2009 at 04:28 pm (UTC)
Some of these ideas seem reasonable - what about the fellow further down that chose to have a Ginsters pasty stamped on his back - weirdo.
Tribal?
[info]ron_broxted wrote:
Friday, 5 June 2009 at 07:17 pm (UTC)
Is there a class dichotomy here? Millwall rules versus Ocean of wisdom in Tibetan?
[info]hitch2 wrote:
Friday, 5 June 2009 at 08:14 pm (UTC)
OBL??? whyyyyyyyy?

mind you, Alf is pretty bizarre too haha
Hehe
[info]ancientoneuk wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 03:30 am (UTC)
I plan to have a capital "W" on each cheek so when I bend over I can share the WoW effect ^^

But seriously... Michael Moore? That is some real messed up stuff alongside OBL.

I got my first tattoo when I was 13 on Brighton Pier having my name on my arm for a quid, as the years went on, I had more done, some in Hong Kong, the most painful was on my chest, the obligatory "Death before Dishonour" soldier thing on my right pectoral hurt like blazes.

I had one done at the tattooists under Great Yarmouth Pier and I could see in the mirror a man walking in who looked like he had been tangoed, none other that Freddie Star being nosey who was working the theatre above that summer, on a funnier note which Freddie thought hilarious at my expense was that the older of the two blokes in the parlour was chronically cross eyed and he had already started too :(

Oh Ron I have the "Millwall FC" on the inner left forearm and "No one likes us" on the right...
Re: Hehe
[info]ron_broxted wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 08:47 pm (UTC)
Not like the girl who went to get Kelly Holmes tattooed. The artist had never heard of her so she now has KELLY HOMES.
Re: Hehe
[info]ancientoneuk wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 12:11 am (UTC)
lol, good job his mind was on the job otherwise would have ended up with Barrett homes instead...

There was a story and only on hearsay mind you, that the tattooist in the Elephant and Castle asked the local chinese takeaway to do some letters for him as they were becoming increasingly popular and apparently some of the phrases that they gave him were highly derogatory in chinese terms :)

It was meant to be Spirit.
[info]ron_broxted wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 08:31 am (UTC)
Chinese is a difficult script. Modern Urban myth? Man walking down street & Chinese person asked Why have you got Gas on your arm"?
Re: Hehe
[info]sparkymark wrote:
Wednesday, 17 June 2009 at 06:36 pm (UTC)
That was a hoax by a contestant on E4's game show "Bamboozle", a game where the objective is to get as much publicity as possible.
I HAVE RABBITS TATTOOED ON MY HEAD
[info]georgesign wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 09:13 am (UTC)
I was worried about being bald so I had some rabbits tattooed on my head. From a distance they look just like hares.
Well not all that
[info]nutleyboy wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 11:03 am (UTC)
Not really a collection of odd tat's. What about the nob one's
[info]eddieiscool wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 01:02 pm (UTC)
There are some very strange people out there...that's all I can say. I mean, who would really want a full body tattoo of Phil Collins unless they had some kind of mental defect?!
Making your mark: The world's most bizarre tattoos
[info]00smittenkitten wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 03:12 pm (UTC)
Gotta say I'll be skipping this book purchase.
If these are the most bizarre tattoos that Aviva Yael & P M Chen could come up with then they have obviously grown up living under a rock.
The World Most Bizarre Tatoos
[info]kirimawa wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 06:15 pm (UTC)
The funiest one is No. 6. Nervertheless all are stupid especially the horror of all horrors: No.4 and 14.
Those people are in real need of psyciatric help...
English?
[info]hannahmontana9 wrote:
Saturday, 6 June 2009 at 11:53 pm (UTC)
"And why do so many people have Sanskrit and Chinese symbols etched onto their skin without the faintest idea what they mean?

Perhaps because it would be plain embarrassing to have an 'inspirational' slogan such as 'Never give up' written on your backside in English." DailyMail quote
Credits?
[info]dr_julien_arbor wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 02:55 am (UTC)
It would have been nice if you had given credit to the tattoo artists who did the work. As with any other art form the appreciation of it is entirely subjective. Nevertheless... the artists deserve recognition for their creations. The following is a rather amazing video of the art form or tattoos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DCsBLg0V8E

Enjoy!
Girl friends tat
[info]cyrjames wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 06:56 am (UTC)
I persuaded my girl friend to have a skull and bones tat on her bum. I called myself the Jolly Rodgerer. Don't know who is Jollying her now or even where she is. I wonder if she thinks of me everytime she looks in the mirror. And if she does what does she think. That I was a jolly nice bloke?
Swayze Tat
[info]renee750il wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 02:51 pm (UTC)
At least they didn't use Chris Farley . . .
[info]the_town_crier wrote:
Sunday, 7 June 2009 at 05:07 pm (UTC)
I think the funniest one is the enlarged finger nail tatooted onto the partially amputated arm: deliberately drawing attention to something that alreay will do so - brilliant. The Lacoste one is good too
This takes the biscuit
[info]gregdotmorgan wrote:
Monday, 8 June 2009 at 08:51 am (UTC)
A few years ago a friend told me "I love you so much I have had your name tatooed on my a**e. After betting hin 10 quid he droped his pants to a reveal a large tattoo with the words YOUR NAME etched on his backside.

Your article is headed the most strange tattoos, but I think this guy takes first prize
Re: rhodri
[info]reader797 wrote:
Wednesday, 17 June 2009 at 03:19 am (UTC)
I think that last one (I hope, for that guy's sake) is an airbrush
Worst Tattoos
[info]rhodri wrote:
Monday, 8 June 2009 at 09:01 am (UTC)
These ones are pretty appalling:

One | Two | Three | Four

Edited at 2009-06-08 09:02 am (UTC)
AN owl with breasts!
[info]mowfalmighty wrote:
Monday, 8 June 2009 at 10:17 am (UTC)
The owl with breasts has gotta be the worst tatoo ive ever seen ,mind you the badly drawn fraggle rock character kind of sucks also. Youve gotta feel sorry for some of these people.
[info]mickey_modster wrote:
Monday, 8 June 2009 at 11:02 am (UTC)
I'm sure there's a purpose to intentionally scarring your body, I just can't see what that purpose is.
Maybe it's my age(?)
A Giant Pasty
[info]don_jolly wrote:
Thursday, 9 July 2009 at 04:24 pm (UTC)
I love pasties so I had a giant pasty etched onto my back - when my mum saw it she was disappointed - I chose shortcrust and she insist on flakey pastry
Tame stuff
[info]brystanners67 wrote:
Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 05:19 am (UTC)
Let us have a celebration of rude ones on rude parts next please.
It really is a most bizarre corruption of often beautiful skin.
Don't understand it at all!!!
Tattoo Regrets
[info]crow_cragg wrote:
Wednesday, 29 July 2009 at 04:04 pm (UTC)
I had a tattoo done when i was 17 and lived to regret it! have since had to spend more money with laser tattoo removal. For anyone else in the same situation i recommend sk:n clinics! http://www.skinclinics.co.uk.

They are running a 30% off promotion at the moment too!

http://www.sknclinics.co.uk/_inbound/rf/vc:landing-30-percent-off-voucher/promovoucher/V0792/0/0/0/
got it wrong
[info]mexicanorabioso wrote:
Tuesday, 25 August 2009 at 12:38 pm (UTC)
The word 'tatu' is tahitian not Haitian I think.
[info]cjdobs wrote:
Wednesday, 9 September 2009 at 04:09 pm (UTC)
Well, I thought the owl with tits was pretty bizarre and deserving of its place . . .
Giant thumb tattoo
[info]exportskip wrote:
Thursday, 10 September 2009 at 10:26 am (UTC)
I quite like this one? How many disabled people feel they need to hide their disabled bits? This shows a great sense of humour.

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