Scientists claim they've worked out what makes the perfect penis

They only asked what women thought though

There are many age-old questions that have plagued humanity since the dawn of time; where did the universe come from? Is there really a god? What on earth is going on with Donald Trump’s hair?

But scientists have now answered one of these great unknowns; what makes a good-looking penis?

The research, which only asked women for their preferences on male genitalia, was conducted by researchers at the University of Zurich.

According to the study, “general cosmetic appearance” is the most important penile aspect when it comes to what women value down there. This is swiftly followed by the appearance of pubic hair, penile skin, and girth. Length comes in at number six, with the look of the scrotum trailing closely behind.

The least important facet of the phallus, say the scientists, is the “position and shape of meatus”, the vertical slit at the opening of the urethra.

The three academics behind the paper, which is based on the responses of 105 women aged 16-45, which has been published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, set out to investigate whether men with corrected hypospadias, which uncorrected sees the urethra end in the wrong place, are perceived by women to look ‘normal’ below the belt. The researchers argue that some men who undergo his procedure believe their penile appearance to be “abnormal.”

The findings, that the meatus is seemingly insignificant when the penis is judged for its cosmetics, suggest that this is in fact not true, with the experts concluding that patients should be told this to “prevent the development of shame.”

But on to the question of what makes the perfect penis, the researchers established that there “is no single penile aspect that is essential” for the penis to be considered attractive.

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