The modern lad has it bad

Blur's Damon Albarn blames the `Young Man's Menopause' for his recent depression. A pop star's affectation, or a serious complaint?

The rich and famous often have more time to devote to themselves, coupled with the imagination to develop problems that ordinary mortals would not even dream about. So when Damon Albarn, lead singer of the band Blur, describes the depression he has suffered from in the past 18 months as "Young Man's Menopause", his might appear to be simply another case of suffering in mink. Albarn, after all, is only 28, while the menopause is something we associate with passing 40 and beyond. But on closer inspection Albarn might have put his finger on an important new phenomenon.

Prior to their recent triumphal re-entry into the pop charts, Blur were in self-imposed exile, a period which coincided with Albarn's depression. The symptoms he has described are panic attacks and tears for no reason. "There is a radical change that happens in your in mid-twenties," he says. "That's why there are a lot of suicides in men of my age." Government statistics back him up: the person committing suicide is most likely to be a man between the age of 25 and 34. In fact, men of this age are more than four times more likely than women of the same age to take their own lives.

Mid-twenties male depression is a growing problem. Radical changes in the workplace and the fashion for playing the lad have combined with the age-old dilemmas of moving from late adolescence into adulthood to make the transition more problematic and more painful than ever.

Daniel Levinson, a developmental psychologist, has tracked the way men's identities change with age. He describes several age-related stages in their lives and calls the period between 22 and 28 the "initial adult period", when men begin to establish a career and have settled down to marriage and raising a family. But corporate downsizing and the disappearance of jobs for life have made it more difficult for young men to find the kind of work that supports a mortgage and children. The latest Social Trends research shows that half of men in their early twenties are still living with their parents; only a third of women that age are in the same situation.

Although many modern women do not expect a man to be the sole bread-winner, men still feel programmed to be providers. Mike, 28, says that he cannot find a steady job or a career that pays well. "I've tried everything from mining for gems to making cocktails in Australia. I'd really love to have a family, and although I feel emotionally prepared to settle down I know that I can't support a wife and children on what I earn. I can barely make ends meet when there's just me."

The television programme Men Behaving Badly and the magazine Loaded have provided a popular solution to the identity crisis for today's man: become a new lad. But while it might be fun to make a credo of drinking lager, watching football and lusting after centrefolds in your late teens and early twenties, there is something sad about clinging to it in your late twenties. Traditionally, heterosexual men were under pressure from women to settle down and marry. But with the increasing independence of women and the media celebrating male youthful behaviour there is no encouragement for men to leave their laddish phase, which sets up the potential for a future crisis.

While the "new lad" is usually heterosexual, many gay men can relate to the underlying problems of turning hedonism into a way of life. "I had what I call my `scene crisis' when I was about 26," explains Sam. "I remember sitting in a bar with a pint in my hand and realising that it wasn't just that I didn't fancy anyone there but that I was tired of one-night stands, going clubbing, taking drugs and getting pissed. I knew there had to be more to life than looking for a good time. I didn't finish my drink but went straight home instead. My friends thought I was very boring just staying at home and watching telly. I didn't want to do anything. I now suspect that I was depressed."

Damon Albarn describes his problem as an early menopause, and in many ways the solution for a man in his late twenties is the same as for one in his late forties - taking stock of life. Although Martin is now 32, in his late twenties he went through something that he would now describe as a bad case of the Young Man's Menopause. "I had always wanted to be an actor. When you're young you believe anything is possible; there was no reason why I couldn't be the next Martin Shaw.

"I did have a few minor parts in West End plays and did much better than a lot of my drama college contemporaries, but while I was concentrating on having a good time my old school mates had become dentists, lawyers or had sensible jobs. While I rented a tiny room from a mate, they were swapping their flats for houses. While I had spent my money on fun things like cut-glass avocado pear dishes, they had invested in pension schemes."

The work was drying up and Martin's self-confidence was disappearing too. "Reality and my dream world collided and I saw no way out. At one particularly black moment, the situation was so unbearable that I could imagine no way out. I started seriously to consider suicide. I knew I had to do something to tear myself out of the pain and this seemed the only solution. I confided my plans in a friend and explained that he would receive a letter telling him how to dispose of my few valuables and the type of funeral I wanted. I shudder now to think of how he must have felt."

Fortunately, Martin found a helpful therapist and a better solution than suicide. He recently landed the perfect job: "I work as an arts administrator, so I'm still in touch with my first love. Now I realise that what was right for me at 18 was no longer what I needed at 27. I just hadn't updated myself and was trying to live to the old script. It has been a terrible journey but thankfully I can no longer recognise the man I used to be."

The solution for Damon Albarn's Young Man's Menopause was discovering the peace of Iceland. "It's on top of the world," he says, "so it's a good place to get a perspective on things. It's not made out of bricks and pavements, it's made out of volcanoes and glaciers. In Iceland, there's sheer physical geography in your face." The experience has allowed him to reassess his music and move on to something new.

With the three pillars of male identity - worker, husband and father - under threat from the market economy and high divorce rates, men are having to find their own personal solutions. Having a twenty-something menopause could help them to re-examine their lives and really understand their feelings. Albarn says he has learnt to be true to himself: "It wasn't important to be liked. I stopped trying to please people. I think you can get yourself caught up in that, just being and doing what people expect."

As adolescents, we are under great pressure to conform to the values of either our peers or our parents. Part of successfully negotiating the "initial adult period" is to develop values of our own. There are some positive signs that men are no longer hiding behind the stiff upper lip - for the first time the Samaritans have received more calls from men than women. It will be a healthy move if more men start openly to assess their hopes and fears. To paraphrase the television commercial for the frozen food store - let's hope it is not just mum who goes to Icelandn

Andrew G Marshall is president of the British Men's Counselling Association, a support organisation for male counsellors.