The Tearooms aren't really tea rooms: irony may not work in newspapers but it certainly gives a few laughs in the real world. They are actually a delightfully eccentric bar-restaurant in a former slaughterhouse (for a while holes in the walls where the blood used to run out remained open to the air) on the corner of North Street, and serve very palatable vegetarian food and lashings of plonk. They also provide a weekend service to insomniacs by opening (for a pounds 2 entrance fee) for breakfast, board games and wacky ambience from 5am on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Close to Clapham


The Tearooms des Artistes, 697 Wandsworth Road SW8 (071-720 4028).

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Tomorrow: Patisserie Valerie, Brompton Road SW3.