Why are they famous?: Countess Victoria Spencer
Sunday 18 October 1998
Appearance: Highly strung adolescent boy recovered from an eating disorder. Female Thunderbird on a diet. Undernourished but pretty primate.
Sad Tidings: After the briefest of courtships, Earl Spencer proposed to Victoria Lockwood, a model he didn't know very well, thus creating the world's least thrilled-looking bride. Dressing in extremely strange medieval garb with fur trim and fancy crownlet, she failed to produce the usual repertoire of bridely beams for the cameras. In fact, an icy stare devoid of emotion was her best bridal effort. A few months later, the chubby-cheeked Earl was unfaithful with cartoonist and writer Sally Ann Lasson.
Heirs and Graces: Victoria was soon involved in factory farm motherhood, sinfully promoting the distaff line by her frivolous production of three infants of the female variety, Lady Kitty, Lady Katya and Lady Eliza, before the son and heir, Louis, Viscount Althorp, was at last created. There were unseemly whoops all round by triumphant Spencers oblivious to post-feminist sensibilities.
Thin End: Delivered of four infants in four years, our underfed and frowning protagonist knew no end to her troubles. Taking refuge in a rehabilitation clinic for her eating disorders and alcohol consumption, only to be cruelly snapped by photographers, Victoria then followed her husband to South Africa, where he enjoyed his mistresses and retired from public view. Last year's divorce brought triumph to Victoria while turning the public against her caddish ex. She is now thought to be genuinely happier and has put on a few desperately needed pounds. Hurrah.
Fame Prospects: Victoria has four 'O' levels, four children, and an aborted modelling career, so it's possible glittering professional accolades will have to wait. Clearly genuinely reclusive, we can but pray for a little Fergie amongst her offspring for the soap to continue. In the meantime, Victoria could become a feminist heroine, a divorce lawyer, or a Gladiator.
Life & Style blogs
iPhone 5C could be killed next year, and Apple’s cheap and cheerful line might die with it
Girl, 7, gets Tesco to remove 'stupid' sign suggesting superheroes are 'for boys'
Coke milk? Coca-Cola to launch premium milk brand called Fairlife
Black Friday: Best fashion deals -online and on the high-street
UK's first plus-size fashion magazine Slink hits the shelves: 'Style doesn't stop at size 8'
Ukip says babies born to immigrants in the UK should be classed as migrants – which would include Nigel Farage’s own children
The young are the new poor: Sharp increase in number of under-25s living in poverty, while over-65s are better off than ever
Tamir Rice: 12-year-old boy playing with fake gun dies after being shot by Ohio police
Rochester aftermath: Sacking of Emily Thornberry will make work of Labour MPs '10 times harder'
Ed Miliband's 'north London set' must be demolished to save Labour, say critics
Green Party Caroline Lucas interview: 'We could be on the edge of something very big'
- 1 Exodus Gods and Kings: Ridley Scott never considered casting 'Mohammad so-and-so from such-and-such' in lead role
- 2 This letter from a reader explains why women can’t play football
- 3 'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
- 4 Scientists predict green energy revolution after incredible new graphene discoveries
- 5 Michael Buerk wishes he'd killed Jimmy Savile when he had the chance - by pushing him overboard a cruise ship
Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: SURREY MARKET TOWN - SENIOR PROPERTY SOLICITOR...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: What do you want to do with your career? Do yo...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This company is a leading expert in immunoassa...