James Moore: Owe the taxman £2.76? You'd better meet him at The Ivy to chew it over

Outlook

Dear Taxpayer,

We notice that your account is still in arrears and that you owe the sum of £2.76.

We have been asked by the Government to extend the same concessions to individuals and small businesses as we have extended to large businesses when it comes to settling outstanding tax bills. As such we are willing to offer you the opportunity to meet with us to discuss your debt of £2.76 prior to the commencement of enforcement action.

After agreeing a mutually convenient time the venue is left to your discretion. However, we have found that London restaurants contain all the necessary facilities to expedite a negotiation and we recommend that you select one and reserve a table before communicating it to us.

The tax treatment of such a meeting has been raised with us. It has been common practice to restrict the expenditure on food and drink to £30 per head, higher amounts being considered to be benefits in kind. However, as we can be absolutely sure that your meeting is intended for business, we are willing to waive this stipulation on this occasion only.

We should note that the waiver is conditional upon the quality of the refreshments being acceptable. As such we would recommend that you consider the purchase of a copy of Harden's Restaurant Guide before deciding upon a venue. The selection of one of its top 20 restaurants would be considered acceptable. We are aware that the guide produces top 20s based upon a number of categories such as cost, service, location etc. The top 20 you should use on this occasion should be the list referring to quality.

Whilst we are unable to provide a list of recommended venues, our staff have found that the Ivy has proved to be adequate for discussions during the middle of the working day. For those allocated an earlier time slot, the Wolseley is also acceptable while Petrus has been found by our inspectors to be suitable for evening discussions.

While there has been much unfortunate publicity attached to the settlements achieved with some of our larger customers, we should note that we are not able to guarantee a favourable outcome to anyone from such meetings.

However, we have been asked to make it clear to you that we are prepared to listen to all customers who are willing to make the effort to meet with us at an appropriate time and venue.

In the meantime we should warn you that until your account is settled we shall apply interest to the outstanding amount of £2.76 at a rate of 5 per cent above the Bank of England base rates. Should it turn out that we in fact owe you £2.76 we shall of course credit your account with interest. The rate will be base rates less 5 per cent.

If you choose not to take up this offer or to settle the account we shall of course engage bailiffs to seek redress by auctioning off your property. Any sums realised over and above the level of the debt will be held for you in an account with interest payable at base rates less 5 per cent.

Yours sincerely, HM Revenue & Customs

Suggested Topics
News
Snoop Dogg pictured at The Hollywood Reporter Nominees' Night in February, 2013
people... says Snoop Dogg
News
i100
Life and Style
fashion Designs are part of feminist art project by a British student
Life and Style
food + drinkZebra meat is exotic and lean - but does it taste good?
PROMOTED VIDEO
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Residents of Derby Road in Southampton oppose filming of Channel 4 documentary Immigration Street in their community
tv
Extras
indybest
Sport
Scottish singer Susan Boyle will perform at the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony in Glasgow
commonwealth games
News
Lane Del Rey performing on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury 2014
people... but none of them helped me get a record deal, insists Lana Del Rey
Arts and Entertainment
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson stars in Hercules
filmReview: The Rock is a muscular Davy Crockett in this preposterous film, says Geoffrey Macnab
News
ebookA unique anthology of reporting and analysis of a crucial period of history
News
i100
Life and Style
tech
Arts and Entertainment
British author Howard Jacobson has been long-listed for the Man Booker Prize
books
News
A 1930 image of the Karl Albrecht Spiritousen and Lebensmittel shop, Essen. The shop was opened by Karl and Theo Albrecht’s mother; the brothers later founded Aldi
people
Arts and Entertainment
Standing the test of time: Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd in 'Back to the Future'
filmA cult movie event aims to immerse audiences of 80,000 in ‘Back to the Future’. But has it lost its magic?
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Cost Reporting-MI Packs-Edinburgh-Bank-£350/day

£300 - £350 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Cost Reporting Manager - MI Packs -...

Insight Analyst – Permanent – Up to £40k – North London

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum plus 23 days holiday and pension scheme: Clearwater ...

Test Lead - London - Investment Banking

£475 - £525 per day: Orgtel: Test Lead, London, Investment Banking, Technical ...

Business Analyst - Banking - Scotland - £380-£480

£380 - £480 per day: Orgtel: Business Analyst - Banking - Edinburgh - £380 - ...

Day In a Page

Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy': A land of the outright bizarre

Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy'

A land of the outright bizarre
What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

‘Weird Al’ Yankovic's latest video is an ode to good grammar. But what do The Independent’s experts think he’s missed out?
Can Secret Cinema sell 80,000 'Back to the Future' tickets?

The worst kept secret in cinema

A cult movie event aims to immerse audiences of 80,000 in ‘Back to the Future’. But has it lost its magic?
Facebook: The new hatched, matched and dispatched

The new hatched, matched and dispatched

Family events used to be marked in the personal columns. But now Facebook has usurped the ‘Births, Deaths and Marriages’ announcements
Why do we have blood types?

Are you my type?

All of us have one but probably never wondered why. Yet even now, a century after blood types were discovered, it’s a matter of debate what they’re for
Honesty box hotels: You decide how much you pay

Honesty box hotels

Five hotels in Paris now allow guests to pay only what they think their stay was worth. It seems fraught with financial risk, but the honesty policy has its benefit
Commonwealth Games 2014: Why weight of pressure rests easy on Michael Jamieson’s shoulders

Michael Jamieson: Why weight of pressure rests easy on his shoulders

The Scottish swimmer is ready for ‘the biggest race of my life’ at the Commonwealth Games
Some are reformed drug addicts. Some are single mums. All are on benefits. But now these so-called 'scroungers’ are fighting back

The 'scroungers’ fight back

The welfare claimants battling to alter stereotypes
Amazing video shows Nasa 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action

Fireballs in space

Amazing video shows Nasa's 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action
A Bible for billionaires

A Bible for billionaires

Find out why America's richest men are reading John Brookes
Paranoid parenting is on the rise - and our children are suffering because of it

Paranoid parenting is on the rise

And our children are suffering because of it
For sale: Island where the Magna Carta was sealed

Magna Carta Island goes on sale

Yours for a cool £4m
Phone hacking scandal special report: The slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

The hacker's tale: the slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

Glenn Mulcaire was jailed for six months for intercepting phone messages. James Hanning tells his story in a new book. This is an extract
We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

Child abusers are not all the same, yet the idea of treating them differently in relation to the severity of their crimes has somehow become controversial
The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

For instance, did Isis kill the Israeli teenagers to trigger a war, asks Patrick Cockburn