And finally... The IoS announces its Reshuffle Awards

After an eventful week on the political stage, John Rentoul sums up the highs and lows and hands out some deserved gongs

Most successful loyalist

Peter Mandelson, in effect emerging from the reshuffle as Deputy Prime Minister. Made up for 15 years of hurt by organising cabinet ministers to back Gordon Brown and disagree with James Purnell on Thursday night, andappearing everywhere to defend the PM on Friday.

Runner-up: Liam Byrne, mid-rank minister who went in front of the cameras to tell Labour MPs that they really do not want to have an early general election. Rewarded with promotion to the Cabinet as Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

Most unsuccessful loyalist

Shaun Woodward, who patronised countless media presenters after Purnell's resignation by telling them that car workers all over the country were raising their spanners in support of the Prime Minister. He hoped to become Home Secretary and was rewarded with... staying at Northern Ireland.

Most unconvincing loyalist

Shaun Woodward: "It is a huge privilege and honour to continue serving as Secretary of State for Northern Ireland. I asked the Prime Minister to enable me to help complete this work and I am grateful to have been given the opportunity for a third year."

Sir Anthony Meyer award for pointless self-sacrifice

James Purnell, who looked behind him to find that he was on his own in no-man's land.

Most useless plot

The email telling Gordon Brown: "you can best serve the Labour Party and the country by stepping down as party leader and Prime Minister", which,it seems, attracted the name of not a single Labour MP.

Most counterproductive tactic

Nick Brown, the chief whip, naming several MPs as plotters who, although they want Gordon out, weren't actually plotting. Paul Farrelly, Labour MP for Newcastle-under-Lyme, accused No 10 of "feeding my name to the media as the ringleader of a coup".

Clare Short award for unconvincing late resignation

Caroline Flint, after recording an interview criticising James Purnell for resigning.

Most dangerous backbencher

Nick Raynsford, a former minister, for telling it like it is: "There is widespread unhappiness but it's not a basis for a rebellion."

Most unfair expenses victim

Ian Gibson, whose claim for a flat in which his daughter and her boyfriend also lived was not as reprehensible as others censured by Labour's kangaroo court. He resigned.

Fashion item of the week

Hazel Blears's Rocking the Boat brooch.

Also commended: James Purnell's sideburns; Andy Burnham's new glasses; Jacqui Smith's super-wide belt; Lord Mandelson's burgundy tie.

Luckiest accidental promotion

Bob Ainsworth, the new Secretary of State for Defence, plugging the gap left by his boss John Hutton's surprise departure.

Bunker mentality award

Sarah Brown, the Prime Minister's wife, who has Twittered all week on cake-baking, baby strawberries, ironing in the Cotswolds and Britain's Got Talent.

Most unfair expenses story

Sunday Telegraph front-page lead on Frank Cook's £5 church collection claim. Compare and contrast the reporting of David Cameron and Boris Johnson's £80,000 mortgage claims.

Most creative excuse for an expenses claim

Sir Gerald Kaufman's self-diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder, that led him to claim for two Waterford grapefruit bowls for £220. "I have the same breakfast when I'm at home in London and Manchester every day. Half a grapefruit, a bowl of muesli with semi-skimmed milk and a cup of coffee with a Rich Tea biscuit."

John Major toothache award

Ed Miliband, Climate Change Secretary, whose baby was born on Tuesday night. Runner-up: Alan Milburn, who was in Doha, Qatar.

John Major award for prime ministerial bathos

Gordon Brown, who did not accept that the reshuffle was "shambolic". He said: "They often finish much later in the day."

Most futile attempt to influence the reshuffle

Andrew MacKinlay, Labour MP: "It is unacceptable for the Foreign Secretary not to be a member of the House of Commons."

Banquo award for not commenting

Tony Blair, at the London School of Economics, less than a mile from Westminster. "We're going to give time for questions and answers," he said. "On the environment and climate change."

Most ridiculous diversion of the week

Boris Johnson, who fell into a river during a clean-up photo-op to promote volunteering.

Title of the week

Rt Hon Lord Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the County of Durham, First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills and Lord President of the Council.

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooksA special investigation by Andy McSmith
Bafetibis Gomis of Swansea City is stretchered off at White Hart Lane
Jerry Seinfeld Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
peopleSitcom star urges men to be more supportive of women than ever
Life and Style
Living for the moment: Julianne Moore playing Alzheimer’s sufferer Alice
Jay Z
businessJay-Z's bid for Spotify rival could be blocked
footballLouis van Gaal is watching a different Manchester United and Wenger can still spring a surprise
The spider makes its break for freedom
A propaganda video shows Isis forces near Tikrit
voicesAdam Walker: The Koran has violent passages, but it also has others that explicitly tells us how to interpret them
Arts and Entertainment
Ashley Young celebrates the winner for Manchester United against Newcastle
footballNewcastle v United player ratings
Life and Style
love + sex
2015 General Election

Poll of Polls

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Media Sales Executive - PR and Broadcast - OTE £35,000

£16000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company has an exciting op...

Recruitment Genius: Customer Service Advisor - Shifts

£17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This European market leader for security...

Recruitment Genius: Freelance AutoCAD Technician

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Freelance AutoCAD Technician is required to ...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Order Processor

£17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This European market leader for security...

Day In a Page

War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable
Living with Alzheimer's: What is it really like to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia?

What is it like to live with Alzheimer's?

Depicting early-onset Alzheimer's, the film 'Still Alice' had a profound effect on Joy Watson, who lives with the illness. She tells Kate Hilpern how she's coped with the diagnosis
The Internet of Things: Meet the British salesman who gave real-world items a virtual life

Setting in motion the Internet of Things

British salesman Kevin Ashton gave real-world items a virtual life
Election 2015: Latest polling reveals Tories and Labour on course to win the same number of seats - with the SNP holding the balance of power

Election 2015: A dead heat between Mr Bean and Dick Dastardly!

Lord Ashcroft reveals latest polling – and which character voters associate with each leader
Audiences queue up for 'true stories told live' as cult competition The Moth goes global

Cult competition The Moth goes global

The non-profit 'slam storytelling' competition was founded in 1997 by the novelist George Dawes Green and has seen Malcolm Gladwell, Salman Rushdie and Molly Ringwald all take their turn at the mic
Pakistani women come out fighting: A hard-hitting play focuses on female Muslim boxers

Pakistani women come out fighting

Hard-hitting new play 'No Guts, No Heart, No Glory' focuses on female Muslim boxers
Leonora Carrington transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star

Surreal deal: Leonora Carrington

The artist transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star
LGBT History Month: Pupils discuss topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage

Education: LGBT History Month

Pupils have been discussing topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage
11 best gel eyeliners

Go bold this season: 11 best gel eyeliners

Use an ink pot eyeliner to go bold on the eyes with this season's feline flicked winged liner
Cricket World Cup 2015: Tournament runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

Cricket World Cup runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

The tournament has reached its halfway mark and scores of 300 and amazing catches abound. One thing never changes, though – everyone loves beating England
Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Heptathlete ready to jump at first major title

Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Ready to jump at first major title

After her 2014 was ruined by injury, 21-year-old Briton is leading pentathlete going into this week’s European Indoors. Now she intends to turn form into gold
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot