The day before
1. What did dress designer Sarah Burton wear on her head to disguise herself arriving at the Goring hotel on Thursday afternoon?
a a giant fur trapper's hat
b a hoodie
c a Cath Kidston tea towel
d a niqab
2. What measure did those working on Catherine's dress take to ensure it stayed pristine and in perfect condition?
a they wore surgical masks
b the studio was kept airtight
c they were required to wash their hands on the half-hour
d the needles were renewed every three hours
3. Upon hearing that he/she was not invited to the wedding, who said: "I find it a bit embarrassing"?
a Lady Gaga
b Tony Blair
c the Syrian ambassador
d Rosa Monckton
4. To commemorate the union, George Michael has recorded and delivered to William and Catherine which Stevie Wonder hit?
a "He's Misstra Know-It-All"
b "Too High"
c "Sir Duke"
d "You and I (We Can Conquer the World)"
5. On Thursday evening, William staged a surprise walkabout outside Clarence House. He was reported to have been worried that during the ceremony:
a he would fluff his lines
b Catherine would arrive late
c Harry would forget to turn up
d Harry would remember to turn up
6. What was the Morning Star's lead story on Friday?
a Bob Crow: "We need a republic now!"
b Buckingham Palace cleaners are paid £6.45 an hour, a pound less than the London living wage
c the secret Marxist past of the Vicar of Bucklebury
d Sandringham estate staff threaten stables sit-in over working conditions
7. Three hours before the ceremony, it was declared that William was hence to be styled the Duke of Cambridge – what further titles did he also acquire?
a Earl of Strathearn
b Duke of Earle
c Marquess of Bodmin
d Baron Carrickfergus
8. Shortly before the wedding it was reported that what item(s) was removed from persons in the vicinity of Westminster Abbey?
a four-dozen rotten eggs
b a pedalo
c a small guillotine
d effigies of the Royal Family
9. The organist for the ceremony, Robert Quinney, said on Radio 4 that:
a he would be "really quite nervous"
b "all my tentacles will be at full stretch"
c "a swig of dandelion and burdock will see me right!"
d "there is a really tricky bit in 'Jerusalem' I always smudge"
10. Which of the following did NOT present the BBC's wedding coverage?
a Huw Edwards
b David Dimbleby
c Fearne Cotton
d Edith Bowman
Inside the abbey
11. Who was the only radio presenter allowed to broadcast from within the abbey?
a Tim Westwood
b Ed Stourton
c Jeremy Vine
d Howard Stern
12. Representatives of which of the following took up their place on the so-called "pew of evil"?
a Sarah Ferguson
b North Korea
13. Philip Treacy is:
a a minor royal
b a ubiquitous hat designer
c the Duke of Edinburgh's real name
d an anarchist protester
14. Spot the odd one out:
a Ben Fogle
b Guy Ritchie
c John Major
d Tony Blair
15. What is a "royal peculiar"?
a a place of worship under the jurisdiction of a British monarch, not a bishop
b Harry's name for his hangovers
c a very small fascinator
d Princess Michael of Kent
16. The wedding ceremony began:
a at 9.30am
b at 11am
c about six bloody months ago
d at 1pm
17. Kate was:
a exactly on time
b early and tapping her foot at the altar, waiting for William to arrive
c almost a minute late, as is a bride's prerogative (when she has a police schedule to stick to)
d she didn't turn up
18. William Blake, who wrote the words to the rousing wedding hymn "Jerusalem", was:
a a famous monarchist
b a famous republican
c a supporter of gay marriage
d never married
19. What traditional vow did Kate NOT make during the service?
a she promised to love him for richer but not for poorer
b to "obey" William
c to have children
d that she's a virgin
20. A YouTube clip on Friday showed one of the Westminster Abbey staff pulling off what remarkable feat down the aisle just after the ceremony?
a a pair of cartwheels
b a moonwalk
c staying awake
d the England cricket team sprinkler dance
21. At one point before the ceremony the BBC's Huw Edwards remarked that someone was "making sure everything is unsoiled and undamaged". Who was doing what?
a Prince Charles checked the wedding car boot after his run to the nursery on Thursday
b Victoria Beckham was spotted cleaning her hands after bumping into Boris Johnson
c a pigeon was shooed from the altar in the abbey
d the father of the bride was lightly adjusting his daughter's dress in the wedding car
22. What did Harry say to William as Kate walked down the aisle, according to lip readers?
a "Rather you than me"
b "Right, well, she's here"
c "Looks like you picked the wrong sister"
d "I'm gasping for a fag"
23. How did writer Kathy Lette upset wedding guest Tara Palmer-Tomkinson?
a she wore the same dress – in a size smaller
b she joked that Tara picked her nose – from a catalogue
c she said she'd once stolen Tara's boyfriend
d she asked, "Who is Tara Palmer-Tomkinson anyway?"
24. A breathless commentator for Sky News described Sarah Burton's "creation" for the bride as:
a the dress of the century
b the dress of the day
c the dress of the decade
d the dress of the year
25. Boris Johnson turned up to the ceremony wearing:
a his cycle clips
b his old Bullingdon Club outfit
c a £100 morning suit hired from Moss Bros
d a surprisingly well-pressed lounge suit
26. The protocol police were aghast at David Beckham – why?
a he wore his OBE medal on his right lapel not, as is proper, on his left
b there was a glimpse of what appeared to be white towelling socks
c he hadn't sufficiently covered the tattoos on his neck.
d he was prettier than the bride
27. Samantha Cameron controversially did NOT wear:
a a hat
c a garter
d her wedding ring
28. The Queen was dressed by:
a Angela Kelly
b Angela Eagle
29. What was Kate's "something borrowed"?
a her sister's underwear
b the Queen's Cartier tiara
c Diana's sapphire engagement ring
d Elton John's diamond-drop earrings
30. What, during the procession to Buckingham Palace, bolted from the ranks and had to be brought under control:
a a guardsman's horse
b a streaker
c two corgis
d a pair of sleep-deprived Japanese tourists
31. What was the most common reason for arrest of members of the crowd?
a breach of the peace
b drunk and disorderly
c offences under the Terrorism Act
d suspected republicanism
32. Why did the crowd outside Buckingham Palace complain about the balcony kiss?
a it was too short
b it was too long
c they didn't like seeing so much tongue
d they didn't expect Harry to join in
33. The kiss prompted who to give the person next to them a cheeky peck?
a Camilla to Charles
b Harry to Pippa
c Fiona Bruce to Huw Edwards
d Phillip Schofield to Julie Etchingham
34. After the balcony kiss, Kate and William spun down the Mall in what vehicle, tricked out in balloons and ribbons?
a an Aston Martin
b William's Ducati motorbike
c a 1981 Golf convertible
d a Challenger tank
35. What was the number plate on the couple's post-wedding car?
a W1LLS N K8
b W1NDS0R 2
c JU5T WED
d N0 PAPARAZZI
36. David and Samantha Cameron gave William and Catherine what?
a two photographic volumes titled Anglesey Landscapes
b a set of le Creuset in royal blue
c John Lewis vouchers
d a lifetime's supply of Smythson stationery
37. Who had to be stopped from picking at the wedding cake?
a Prince Philip
b Prince Harry
c the bridesmaids
d James Middleton
38. What did William specifically NOT allow at the reception?
a any merchandise from Kate's parents' company, Party Pieces
b any food from his father's company, Duchy Originals
c British beer
d French champagne
39. At the Buckingham Palace lunch reception, what did Prince Charles say in his speech?
a "Kate is William's soulmate, and I hope that they will keep me in my dotage"
b "Kate may be a commoner, but at least her folks paid for some of this champagne"
c "Kate is a lovely girl, and just perfect as a prince's first wife"
d "I hope that William's marriage lasts longer than his parents' "
40. In a joke aimed at William, what did his father say must be hereditary?
a his nervous waving at the crowds on the Mall
b the crown
c his eye for a filly
d his bald patch
41. The Queen left the celebrations at which point?
a after the first dance
b shortly after Harry, in his best man's speech, toasted his brother with the phrase: "Get it down, you Zulu warrior!"
c at 6pm, to attend another royal engagement
d once she had hosted a lunch for the newlyweds at Buckingham Palace
42. Much to the annoyance of courtiers, Philippa Middleton insisted on what for the reception disco in Buckingham Palace?
a a vodka ice sculpture
b clearly marked emergency exit signs
c glitter balls
d rounds of her sister's favourite cocktail, Crack Baby
43. Whom did Prince Harry enlist to assist with the party planning?
a Guy Pelly
b Catherine's Uncle Gary
c Henry Conway
d Uncle Edward
44. Prince Harry personally oversaw a 6am wedding breakfast for those who partied through into the small hours of Saturday. On the menu was what?
a another Treasure Chest anyone?
b venison butties
c bacon sarnies and coffee
d Pol Roger champagne and croissants
45. Where did the royal couple spend their first night as husband and wife?
a Clarence House
b Buckingham Palace
d The Ritz
46. How did the royal couple leave Buckingham Palace for their honeymoon?
a by carriage
b by Bentley
c by helicopter
d by the tandem given them by Boris Johnson
47. Where is the honeymoon?
c there isn't one
d nobody knows
48. Who looked into the future and predicted that the newlyweds would raise two children, a boy and a girl?
a the witch doctors of Bolivia's Aymara people
b Justin Toper
c Virginia Ironside
d Oprah Winfrey
49. William & Catherine: Their Lives, Their Wedding hopes to break the world record for the fastest-published book, with copies going to print on Friday and hitting shops tomorrow. But who's it by?
a Jilly Cooper
b Mills & Boon
c Andrew Morton
d Jennie Bond
50. Which royal wedding day tweet belongs to which celebrity – Jonathan Ross, Stephen Fry, Lauren Laverne, Armando Iannucci and Rio Ferdinand?
a Hazza jonesing for a spliff at this point
b Elton John is looking more and more like Churchill the insurance dog every day ...
c Is the after party to the wedding gonna have this in-depth coverage? Even if it's pay per view I'm IN! I wanna see Kate+Wills throwing shapes!
d Huge crowds already gathering in London for next Thursday's referendum
e Eek – Judd Trump's having a grim session. Needs this to finish at 8:8. He's lost the last 4 frames on the trot
Who are you?
The Roundhead (0-10 right answers)
Your anti-monarchy comrades threw an anti-royal wedding party on Friday that finished at 11 minutes to five precisely – or 1649, get it? But Black Friday was no occasion for even the blackest of humour. So you packed yourself on a ferry to France (Vive la République!). Frenchie knew what to do with a bloody aristo! Anyway, Ireland's not so good for a booze cruise ...
The Penny Pincher (11-20 points)
Incandescent! That's what you are – incandescent! That your hard-earned tax pounds down the gullets of a load of scrounging hoorays as the country goes to the wall. Over the years you've restricted your profound antipathy towards "the bloody royals" to throwing a slipper at the telly the odd time "Prince" Andrew's over-privileged, under-shot mug pops up on it. But Friday's multimillion-pound knees-up was the last straw. All in this together? Not bleedin' likely.
The Day Tripper (21-30)
Royal wedding? Whatever. It's the extra day off that counts – on the golf course, out on your bike, in bed after a big night clubbing ... You don't mind tuning in to the misadventures of Elizabeth and her brood as a sort of blue-blood soap opera, but all this daft flag-waving? No thanks! Still – you sneaked a peak at the dress on your smartphone and caught the news on Friday (but with a snort that you hoped said "amused detachment").
The Party Animal (31-40)
It's all a bit of a laugh, isn't it? And a good excuse to dress up and get merry, so you and your mates toddled off to the Duke of Cambridge, dressed in tiaras and tails. Ironically, of course. There was a real sense of camaraderie watching the wedding on the pub telly – it brought you all together, just like the World Cup. The biggest cheer came when you heard Kate's new title – everyone had a pint on the house!
The Well-wisher (41-50)
Good luck to them, you say. Will and Kate have got their heads screwed on, not like that Diana. You do wonder if the Royal Family isn't a bit anachronistic, but it works well enough, so we might as well leave it. The neighbours had a few drinks round the telly – "leave snootiness and irony at the door" – so you joined them. Any excuse for a party!
The Cavalier (51-62)
You're a proud royalist and loved every minute. What's not to like? The bunting, the glamour, the reminder that Britain was once great. Anyone who says the Royal Family costs too much needs to lighten up. Anyway, they bring in millions through tourism, unite the country, and, besides, nobody wants a president. Your husband organised a street party for the neighbours, though you were camped outside the abbey from Tuesday.
Answers: 1A, 2C & D, 3C, 4D, 5A, 6B, 7A & D, 8C & D, 9B, 10B, 11B, 12B & D, 13B, 14D (he was not invited), 15A, 16B, 17C, 18B, 19B, 20A, 21D, 22B, 23B, 24A, 25C, 26A, 27A, 28A, 29B, 30A, 31A, 32A, 33D, 34A, 35C, 36A, 37C, 38C, 39A, 40D, 41D, 42C, 43A, 44C, 45B, 46C, 47D, 48A, 49C, 50 A: Lauren Laverne; B: Jonathan Ross; C: Rio Ferdinand; D: Armando Iannucci; E: Stephen Fry.