The Big Question: Why does the marriage rate continue to decline, and does the trend matter?
Why are we asking this now?
The Office for National Statistics released provisional figures yesterday suggesting that marriage rates were at their lowest level since records began. The number of marriages registered in England and Wales in 2007 was 231,450, a 3.3 per cent drop on the previous year, and only three quarters of the number recorded in 1991.
The biggest fall has been in church marriages. Only 77,490 marriages, or one out of three, involved a religious ceremony – half as many as in 1991. By contrast, the number of marriages conducted in premises such as hotels or stately homes went up slightly to 99,760, a 4.2 per cent increase from 2006.
Is it not just that people are taking their time to get married?
The average age at which people marry, if they marry at all, has crept upwards. Marrying is not generally something teenagers do any more. Mr and Mrs Average Newly-Wed in 2007 were aged 36 years and five months, and 33 years seven months respectively. This figure is pushed up, of course, by the increasing number of second marriages. The averages ages of people getting married for the first time were fractionally below 32 for men, and 30 for women.
In 1991, the average first marriage was between a 28-year-old man and a 26-year-old woman. But this is not enough to account for the extraordinary drop in weddings. Sixty out of every thousand men in England and Wales and 48 out of every 1,000 women got married in the year 1980. By 1991, those figures had dropped to 40 and 33. In 2007, the figures fell below 22 and 20 respectively.
Surely it was no different back in the Swinging Sixties?
Back in the days when the Beatles were singing "All You Need is Love", mothers still drilled it into their daughters' heads that actually they needed a marriage licence too, to avoid the financial hardship and social stigma of singe parenthood. True, things had improved since the 1950s, when the Archbishop of Canterbury, Geoffrey Fisher, habitually referred to children born outside marriage as "bastards", as if they were to blame for their sinful parents.
In 1969, a man whose mother had been unwed became the elected head of a European government; that was the West German Chancellor, Willy Brandt. But unmarried women were encouraged, or even forced, to give their babies for adoption – Clare Short being a famous example – and it was considered shocking that a film star such as Vanessa Redgrave could be pregnant and not marry the father. At that time, 92 per cent of all babies were born to married couples, though a large number of these were "shotgun" weddings, in which the bride went up the aisle with a tell-tale bump beneath her wedding gown. The government was desperate to reduce the remaining eight per cent.
Why have attitudes changed?
Those who deplore the fall in the number of marriages blame the spread of permissive ideas that started in the 1960s. Certainly, the availability of contraception, and the growth of feminism lifted the burden of shame from women who chose to sleep with their boyfriends. The decline of religion, and the Church of England's more tolerant attitude to sex, also lifted the sense of sin from extra-marital sex. In 1981, the Royal family was still insisting that Prince Charles must marry a virgin, but that attitude was very out-of-date by then.
Most people felt under no great social pressure to marry their first sexual partner, which knocked away one reason for marrying at all. But it is not sex outside marriage that now worries social legislators. It is that 24 per cent of children are being raised by lone parents, predominantly lone mothers, which is a major cause of child poverty and means that young boys are growing up without male role models.
Is the recession a factor?
The statistics published yesterday cover the year 2007, so they are not affected by recession. However, many jewellers, photographers, shops selling bridal dresses etc., say that their business has fallen off since the recession began to bite. Young couples appear to be deferring the decision until times are more certain. One good reason is that a lavish marriage ceremony, of the kind portrayed in Four Weddings and a Funeral, is hugely expensive.
If you are thinking of inviting 300 guests to celebrate in a heated marquee with staff to serve the food, live music and a free bar, you could be looking at an outlay of around £70,000. Even if it is the bride's father paying, not every woman has a father that rich; and increasingly young couples are covering their own wedding costs.
Could politicians do anything to incentivise marriage?
Arguably, politicians could set an example to the rest of the nation, as Richard Nixon did by ensuring that every man who worked for him in the White House was married. It used to be difficult for an unmarried man or woman to become an MP, especially in the Conservative Party, and no politician could get away with openly living with someone to whom they were not married.
That changed in the 1990s. Alan Milburn, the future Cabinet minister, was the first MP to insist that his partner, who was the mother of his children (whom he has since married) should have the same rights as an MP's wife. Alastair Campbell and Fiona Millar were another well known unmarried political couple.
Has the Government ever legislated to encourage people to marry?
For a very long time, it was assumed to be part of the role of the state to encourage marriage, and discourage sex outside marriage. Children were taught in school that sex before marriage brought nothing but misery. The tax system made it financially worthwhile to marry. In the year 1986, for instance, the Treasury handed back £4.5 billion worth of tax allowances to married men, over and above what they would have received in allowances if they had been single.
When it was objected that the married man's tax allowance was sexist, the Conservatives replaced it with a married couple's tax allowance. But that was abolished by Gordon Brown in 2000, and replaced with a child tax allowance, on the grounds that the government's job is to prevent children growing up in poverty, not to judge the conduct of the parents.
For similar reasons, sex education in school now emphasises ways to avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases rather than insisting on abstinence.
Should the Government intervene?
There has always been a school of thought which says that the government should be more interventionist. Often it is the same politicians who are most opposed to state intervention in the economy who are keenest on intervention in the bedroom.
Gordon Brown's abolition of the married couple's tax allowance was roundly condemned by the Tories who say there is now an "anti-marriage bias" in the tax and benefits system. A commission headed by Iain Duncan Smith was asked by David Cameron to explain this as part of their investigation into social breakdown, and has recommended a transferable allowance that could be worth £20 for a married couple where only one spouse is in paid work. This is not yet official Conservative policy, but David Cameron has certainly warmed to the idea.
Should the government intervene to persuade people to marry?
Yes...
* Statistically, married couples stay together longer than couples who cohabit
* Over-generous child allowances give unmarried girls a financial reason to get pregnant
* The decline of religion leaves government as the only force able to make a difference to marriage rates
No...
* Private morality is no business of government's
* What children needs is loving care, not a licence that formalises their parents' union
* A tax system cannot reward marriage without penalising unmarried mothers, one of the most economically vulnerable groups in society
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Comments
Politician's have always sought to control people's private lives. It is easier than banning arms sales and curbing fat cat excesses for example.
Nope -- not in England. Weeks and weeks of publishing bans, several types of fees, restrictions, ordinances, licensed venues only, only certain types of religious official can officiate in certain types of places, but if you want to get married here only this can happen, but if you want that to happen you must only get married there... blah blah blah....
Stop putting up all these nonsensical barriers to people planning what should be one of the best days of their lives and more people would officially marry in a place that suited their lifestyle, budget and time.
Basically, relationships these days have become extremely selfish. It's time the guilt was brought back into adultery and illegitimacy and the responsibility into marriage. Yes, that sounds old fashioned, but there's nothing to say that the old fashioned ways are wrong.
But it won't be achieved whilst Labour a re allowed to go on penalising married people and giving major tax benefits and free council flats to single-parent girls who have illegitimate kids. Time to penalise those girls. It defies belief that any Govt would do this, but Labour has done it. As for irregular relationships in Government, Nixon had a point.
About 80% of divorce initiated by women (M.F.Brinig & D.A.Allen,'These Boots Are Made For Walking":Why Most Divorce Filers Are Women"American Law and Economics Review2‑1(2000):126‑169 etc. etc.).
Why? After divorce women cut fathers out of their children's lives, usually get the house paid for, and some money on top. This does massive damage to children (where the only winners are the legal profession's fees for divorce / residence time in court, and then subsequent court fees for when the children of divorce become dysfunctional or criminal-masses of research). Women happily use the children as pawns in post divorce acrimony, ignoring the damage this does to them (few people in the penal system had regular contact with their fathers - I expect their dads wanted to be dads!), giving them their children exclusively, and just money from their ex.
As long as the legal industry bends over backwards for the woman's slightest whim, divorce will continue to grow.
However, reducing divorce will reduce a major part of the legal industry's revenue, with most politicians in the legal industry, perhaps this is why divorce is growing?
Statistics indicate that every other new marriage ends in divorce. Could an unusual testimonial to ever-lasting marital love and commitment have served you, family or riends better than traditional wedding vows?
"We don' want you for things or for money. We want you for what you are and your love, your humour, your intelligence, your creativity, all the wonderful things you are. We need, bcause we love you, to be togerher with you. And the financial is of no consequence, we can manage it."
On advice of counsel Cynthia recorded those 54 word on her estranged husnand's business answering machine rather the private one provided according to the stipulated court order a kind judge suggested to resolve counsel's curlous argument that his client must for therapeutic reasons dump 10 miniutes a day on her soon to be ex' electronic wailing wall.
www.can-my-ego-trip-save-your-marriage.i
Obviously my late ex wanted reconciliation with a husband of 24 years. However, the lawyer who tricked my ingenue bride into litigation needed money. I won't impose the rest of the story on anybody unless you care to learn how unprecedented experience in the courts of California could help couples in UK as well as other jurisdiction.
Andy McSmith kind invitation is appreciated though i consider the "big question" irrelevant. But reversal of a dismal trend matters and is overdue. Some readers' comments indicate that they might improve our innovative mutualmarriage insurance concept even personally benefit from it.
Though Charles Darwin was born 200 years ago my Church regrettably isn't the only one still denying economic and social evolution. In the global illage#s diaspora only the fittest marriages survive. Long before Christians elevated marriage to a sacrament Anglo-Saxon considered it among other Germanic tribes a bargain, not nessary a mezzie. Need to provide for progeny prevailed. It still does unless you submit to serfdom. The California-Born Campbell, whose ancestor Alexander founded in irginia The Disciples of Christ, married me in the Catholic Church. Cynthia bore me 5 healthy children and raised them well. Our concept fosters ecumenic rapprochement as insurance is a business. There's a need to protect caring parents against economic exploitation until death does them part, No church or sect can attract enought eligible singles to offer affordable premiums.
Shrinking establishment churches have a choice between defending competing gospel interpretations or encouraging singles to reduce rampant divorce risk. After Governor Ronald Reagan, a conservative Christian, signed no-fault divorce into California Law, it was irrevalent if the Prince of Wales marries a virgin. However it might relieve the Queen and reassure concernend contemporaries all over the world if eligible young ladies take out innovative insurance putting legally enforceable obligation into my late ex wonderful testimonial. Forget "Timesaver" suggestion www.insuretherealmarriage.info published in January 2008. Health permitting I soon update it to honour my late ex' memory regardless who cares. Constructive criticisme is appreciated. Feel free to ask pertinent practical questions. Kindly understand that age and health prevent me from going far afield. Include my beloved family in your prayers if you please.
http://www.politicallyincorrect.me.uk/p
saw it as an obstacle to their one world project. It had to go. Marriage is never supported by politicians or the media. Both of them are in thrall to the same Marxists.
The reduction in church marriages is an interesting statistic. Maybe less religion means less desire and encouragement for marriage?
20/20 hindsight reveals that my reluctance to repaet 3 meaningless words all the time miffed Cynthia. Frankly, I considered Americans need for constant reassurance ridiculous. I don't remember either my parents or grandmothers professing love for my 3 siblings and me. All of us knew we were loved and reurned enjoyable feelings that are hard to define. Never publicly displaying emotions mom and dad taught us contenance.
"On Valentine's Day there's no avoiding the fact that "I love you " is the engine that keeps the luv industry humming. Without those three words, Americans would be short on poetry and pop songs. Hallmark would be bankrupt." remarks Ms. Schmich. Alas, affluence and technology eroded national differences. The passage of time put things into perspective.
Nearly 40 years when a reform minded Pope had the catalogue of Catholic saints cleaned, lack of an ancient Roman martyr's credible documentation caused St. Valentine removal. By now in Germany as well as the United States some priests preach about bishop Valentine working miracles and promoting love.
My American wife never told me and it took me far too long to grasp why I was corrected whenever introduced "my" son or "my" daughters the way dad used to. Growing up in a jurisdiction enforcing Catholic law I rarely heard that distinction and laughed as grandma told us a family joke. Widowed her father-in-law married a widow who bore him another child. Neighbours complained that "their kids are scared when his children fight with hers."
Mom can't come to the phone and talk with you anymore. She is in coma but may understand simple words, advised me our youngest daughter. As I hold my mobile phone to her ear just keep saying. "I love you" until she reacts. Instead of telling Cynthia too late to little I testified to the truth: "I bless the day we met as I did every day since you agreed to marry me. Gratefully I'll bless that day for the rest of my life." But she didn't reply. I was devastated.
"You made mom very happy." "I didn't hear a word!" "Me neither, but holding the cell phone to her ear I felt her body reacting positively. Sadder but wiser I felt sorry for telling Cynthia that driving a couple of hours to visit her octoganarian grandmother in extremis was a waste. "Predictably Gigi didn't say a word." "Never mind. Hearing my voice made her happy. Holding her hand I felt her reaction."
Productive discussion of marriage and divorce problems must consider evolving cultural context.