John Lichfield: Our neighbours are now a public menace
The wild boar population of France has increased five-fold in the last 20 years
In the forest close to our house in Normandy, we have neighbours that we never see. Occasionally, you might spot one sprinting across the road late at night. Each autumn, brutal-looking men in paramilitary uniforms invade the forest with dogs and horns to try to shoot them.
The other morning, for the first time in 11 years, I saw one of our neighbours in broad daylight. He was loitering in the middle of the road. When my car came along, he stared at me insolently and then trotted off into a field of almost-ripe maize.
Our neighbours are sangliers, or wild boar. Their population is exploding. Despite the best efforts of the men in paramilitary uniforms (who often seem to end up shooting one another), the wild boar population of France has increased five-fold in the last 20 years to reach an estimated one million.
Several reasons are given for their proliferation. The great hurricane of Christmas 1999 left French forests in such a jumble that the boar have many more places to hide from the hunters. The spread of cereal fields into traditional beef and dairy country (like Normandy) has given them a new food supply. They are especially partial to maize.
Last week, the wild boar, sanglier or Sus scrofa was officially declared a public menace. Over 15,000 road accidents a year – two-thirds of all French road accidents are attributable to animals – are caused by wild boar dashing across roads at night without looking both ways. The environment minister, Jean-Louis Borloo, has ordered an anti-boar campaign, including official culls and, possibly, a longer hunting season.
Wild boar, which disappeared from Britain in the 17th century, can indeed be a menace. A British friend of a friend of mine struck one in his car late at night. Both his legs were broken. He later received a letter from the mayor of the commune offering commiserations for his injuries and telling him that the boar, when split between the locals, had been extremely tasty.
Target audience
Tourists are also wary of French ball-traps, it seems. I overheard a pair of British visitors speculating on the meaning of a poster in a supermarket, which announced: "Dimanche, grand ball-trap à 14 heures."
France has a national ball-trap championship, a ball-trap magazine and a fédération, National du Ball-trap. A British TV movie – Ball Trap on the Côte Sauvage – was devoted to this pastime, or the confusion generated by its name, in 1989.
A ball-trap is a clay-pigeon shoot. The grumpy men in paramilitary uniforms use them to practise their shooting outside the hunting season. To little effect, it appears.
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I receive a card from my neighbour. “Tim died to day morning. Please pay respect to him. His funeral is at 9.00am” I have a headache and I take an aspirin. I wear the black suit, cut a small onion, and put little black pepper in the nose. With the handkerchief on the nose (like the Libya’s terrorist under the police escort,) I walk toward the house. I hug the family members (I like this) and say, May Allah give him his rightful place”.
I come back after a heavy mean from theta house at 12.00 noon and see another card. “Mary is getting married with Tom Tom. Please bless them. Your blessings are definitely needed (as if they will get the boy in 8 months). I go with the same suit that I had in the morning (mourning), wipe all the tears and the eggs from the teeth. Put on a white rose and take a small stolen rose from the small kid who is blind, and walk happily to the marriage ceremony. I am all smiles. I hug the family members (I like this) and say, May Allah give him his rightful place”. I come out after a heavy meal and I see the police van. I rush to the hospital. The doctor asks me “From party?” “NO,” I say. “I stole the golden cake knife from the wedding and the silver spoon from the dead. Hide me”
What would you do in the times to get free meals? Is this wrong?
Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth. -Fyodor Dostoevsky, novelist (1821-1881)
I would be too if I spoil the small girls keep them as my chef, ask them to earn for my wife and me. Oh, how my family lived so happily fro 18 years? Crazy. He has many question then saying, “Look folks. I am clean now. My hands are full of sins. I prayed a lot and asked God to forgive me. He has. So who are you not to forgive a sinner, filthy lonely man? Please let me go and start my life all over again. My wife will be crying a lot.
I thank you
Firozali A Mulla
FROM ME
These are our good neighbors. The Holy books preach us, “Love thy neighbours”. “Madam I live next door. Never seen me? Oh. My name is Tom Tom the fifth floor exactly under your 20th floor. I need to keep these banana. No, I want to borrow your fridge for my pet. Yes, I have an Alsatians. I know it is not allowed, but you see I keep my TV on whole night at 100dcbl, so no one hear him bark. My wife is away to Olalla. Yes, she bakes good cakes. We sell them very cheap exactly fresh like the Bakers R US. Yes, I can get you some but for now please keep these bananas and the parrot. I have forgotten my flat key in the bike:
I thank you so much. By the way, where is your husband? Not married. The four kids I see. Yours. Good. They look exactly like the father. NOW WHERE IS THAT FRIDGE YOU BITCH Sortry the dog you knowr
I thank you
Firozali A Mulla