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Howzat! The best insults in cricket

By Jimmy Leach

Monday, 6 July 2009

One attributed to any number of players over the years, but we’ll put this one down to the time that, after beating the bat on a number of occasions Shaun Pollock told Ricky Ponting, “It’s red, its round and weighs about 5 ounces.” Ponting hit the next ball out of the ground. He jibed, “You know what it looks like, go and find it.”

Getty Images

For years, it’s been part of the armoury of any self-respecting cricketing side, and the Australians have always been world-beaters at it. Sledging - the mocking insults swapped between players out at the wicket - has long been part of the battle and whatever the two captains say ahead of the forthcoming Ashes series, so it will be again this summer.

Click the image on the right to launch our guide.

Most of these are probably at least partly apocryphal and many have been attributed to different players at different times, but the English and Australian teams will have to go some to top these this summer.

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( Leave a comment )
[info]juicybob wrote:
Monday, 6 July 2009 at 01:35 pm (UTC)
a a witty bunch indeed
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Rubbish
[info]babscabs wrote:
Monday, 6 July 2009 at 04:13 pm (UTC)
These are a mix of hoary old chestnuts, bowdlerised hoary old chestnuts (Smith/Hughes), stuff that never happened (Brandes), etc. Rubbish.
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Desperate
[info]sellypaws wrote:
Tuesday, 7 July 2009 at 07:33 am (UTC)
This has such a desperate air to it. What the hell is happening to this paper. The last time I checked, the Independent wasn't the a tabloid. This all looks like it's cut and pasted off the internet.
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[info]juicybob wrote:
Tuesday, 7 July 2009 at 07:44 am (UTC)
it's terrible - all the clicking and scrolling you have to do to get to the end of it is mind boggling.
Spend a day on a building site and you will hear comments/insults way funnier than this in one day, never mind the entire history of a game..
| Reply | Thread
Hmmm.
[info]guv111 wrote:
Tuesday, 7 July 2009 at 10:11 am (UTC)
I agree tht having to click on all of these pictures is a bzarre way to have to negotiate these list features (then you generally have to click on your bookmark to easily get out again), but some of them are pretty entertaining as a diversion. Maybe it is tabloid-esque, but at least the Indie has some levity, unlike the ever-more staid Guardian online.
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One mOre
[info]hisxlnc wrote:
Thursday, 9 July 2009 at 08:25 am (UTC)
One prominent that you guys missed out was one featuring Ramnaresh Sarwan and Glenn McGrath. Arriving at the crease, McGrath asked Sarwan, "So whats the size of Brian Lara's d***". Sarwan replied, "Why don't you ask your wife?"
| Reply | Thread
biscuit joke
[info]leedsrob wrote:
Thursday, 9 July 2009 at 11:33 am (UTC)
If I never hear the one about the 'your wife gives me a biscuit' again in my life it will be too soon. It's been doing the rounds since Edward II first told it after the battle of Bannockburn.
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smith/hughes
[info]jones1732 wrote:
Thursday, 16 July 2009 at 11:26 am (UTC)
Hughes actually said '...you can/t fucking bat' to which Smith replied 'I can't fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl.'
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[info]bennyboiii wrote:
Wednesday, 22 July 2009 at 06:57 am (UTC)
Language boys!
| Reply | Thread
cricket insults
[info]jimfred wrote:
Monday, 24 August 2009 at 06:12 am (UTC)
Insults/sledging equals intimidation/cheating.It is not cricket.
Viv Richards offered the Australians the chance to "sort it out like men.with fists,back in the changing room".
Not one took him up on his offer.
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NOt Ponting
[info]toldyoume wrote:
Monday, 24 August 2009 at 03:03 pm (UTC)
whilst playing in county cricket and after a bowler whom i can not recall had beaten Sir V. Richards outside edge with a few good deliveries remarked "its red its round and weighs about 5 ounces" to witch promptly delivered the next delivery well outside the ground responded with " you know what it looks like now go fucking fetch it" and not R. Ponting.
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Re: NOt Ponting
[info]bailedass62 wrote:
Monday, 9 November 2009 at 06:46 pm (UTC)
The bowler was Greg Thomas a former Glamorgan fast bowler who toured the West Indies on that disasterous tour of 1985-6.
| Reply | Parent | Thread


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