13 things Jose Mourinho and Chelsea players could discuss at their afternoon inquest

Or perhaps not...

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The Independent Football

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho confirmed that he would haul his faltering stars in to the training ground this afternoon to hold an inquest into why they failed to beat the 10 men of PSG.

A 1pm meeting has been set at Cobham with Mourinho saying: "I want to know. I told the players after the game that it's not the moment to speak with them about it.

"It's the moment for them to go home and tomorrow we'll try to analyse that. For me, it was a surprise. I'm disappointed.

"But I try always to be pragmatic and when the opponent were better than us, the first feeling is we deserved to lose. Analysing the situation is the next step."

We've butted our heads together at The Independent to imagine what Mourinho and his players may discuss:

1) Always make sure you park the bus in the right parking spot - and ensure it has been serviced and has a valid MOT.

The Chelsea team bus

2) Decide on which anger management class best fits Diego Costa.

3) Ensure that class has a goal and a ball so Costa can practice his shooting - he hasn't scored since 17 January (barring the Kyle Walker own goal he claimed was his).

4) Stop being so pathetic - Don't just surround the ref for one incident, it's pointless if penalties and stray elbows are going unpunished later on.

5) Stop acting like babies.

6) Oscar, you are allowed to do more on a football pitch than just roll around on the floor once in 45 minutes.

7) Remind Cesc Fabregas that he doesn't have to let other people catch up to him in the assist charts - nine games is a bit of a wait.

8) Defending corners, pronto.

9) Tell John Terry to mark the opposition, not his own player.

Terry grabs Cahill just before Silva's crucial goal

10) Get Willian and Ramires to stop their long distance running and start practicing passing and shooting.

11) If you're going to revert to the old-school Chelsea tactics of just defending, make sure you actually know how to defend.

12) Ask the fans to make a bit more noise.

13) 11 vs 10 in training for the next week.