Football: Problems increase for dismal Hammers

Blackburn Rovers 2 West Ham United 1

Dear Miss Nomer

Rarely has a mistake had such happy consequences. Our invitation to readers to emulate one of our writers' errors, and create new works by slightly mischosen authors, brought a flood of brilliance. So, as Robert Frost put it: `Hello, good evening and welcome'

After the deluge - water with nowhere to go

A town was awash yesterday as floodwater swept through its market square lifting cars in its path.

Captain Moonlight: Top spin-dyer ... fat chat ... Ms Vidia regrets

Look again! No, that's not really Mr Tony Blair falling down a manhole as John Major watches gleefully; but you were fooled for a second or two, weren't you? It is, in fact, a pavement drawing executed by Mr Julian Beever of Melton Mowbray while plying his trade in Brussels. He has sent us another one, too, of Mr Blair watching gleefully as Mr Major takes the plunge. But we're going to use that one on the Sunday after the election. You will want to know why Mr Beever drew his drawings in Brussels. I don't know. Mr Beever has yet to respond to my messages. Call me, Mr Beever: it will be to your advantage!

Kinnear's reformed characters

Derby County 0 Wimbledon 2

Maddy takes speed record

Records tumbled in yesterday's AXA Equity & Law League match at Chester-le-Street as Leicestershire beat a dreadful Durham side by 130 runs. They cashed in on Durham's prevailing depression by amassing the second-highest total in the history of the 40-over competition.

Souness does not enjoy a happy return

Liverpool 2 Southampton 1

Roseberry resigns as Durham captain

Cricket

Burger blamed over BSE death

A coroner opened up a legal minefield yesterday by ruling that beef products contaminated with "mad-cow disease" (BSE) caused the death of a young man from the new strain of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (CJD).

New Campbell - new danger

Coventry City 0 Nottingham Forest

Tour pair retire hurt

South Africa A 455

Hollioake blows hot

England U-19s 199 New Zealand U-19s 228-7 New Zealand won by 29 runs

Cornish grit to the fore

Most of Cornwall's part-time cricketers are understandably apprehensive at taking on Warwickshire in today's NatWest Trophy first round - but captain Godfrey Furse is more afraid of what might happen afterwards.

Titchard endures to Durham's dismay

reports from Chester-le-Street

The PM still has the German lavatory card up his sleeve

A few weeks ago I wrote that Mr John Major's great political talent was for doing the unexpected. Well, with his go-slow or work-to-rule in Europe (evocative epithets, recalling as they do what was, paradoxically, a gentler era in our national life), Mr Major has done it again. In a quarter of an hour last Tuesday, he united his party, put the entire Tory press onside and discomposed the Opposition or, at any rate, the Labour part of it.
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