Tired of all those psephologists who, after machine-gunning you with figures for half an hour, say they still aren't sure whether Barack Obama or Mitt Romney's going to win? Let's turn to some of the quicker, if less scientific predictors of the result. Alas, in 2012 they're as mixed up as the pros.
Take your hand, you wanted to say, away from your mouth.
Staff at the News of the World, who may have thought they had hit rock bottom when their company told them their newspaper was "toxic" and closed it, have been shocked again by the offer of work... in Siberia.
Colin Myler, the former editor of the News of the World who conducted the company's internal investigation into the extent of phone hacking at the newspaper, never saw crucial emails suggesting the practice was more widespread, it was claimed last night.