This was the football week dominated by the men who never kicked a ball professionally and did not even manage a pub team but who presume to shape the future of the national sport. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they re-entered the woodwork?

When the captain's support leads to an early bath: Political Commentary

SINCE John Major assumed the captaincy of the Old Incompetents over three years ago, he has led his team to crushing defeat against the Fleet Street Reptiles. The score now stands at 1-4. No wonder they call him 'the man with two uneducated left feet'. His fatal indecision has brought about spectacular own goals by Tim Yeo, Dave Mellor, Mickey ('Colonel') Mates and Norman ('Wee Norrie') Lamont, who is known on the terraces as 'the Praed Street Phantom'.

Letter: City body will benefit London

THE REPORT on the possible extension of the Bridge House Trust was mean and extremely ill-informed ('Corporation is attacked over charity secrecy', 12 December). Thanks to good management, the historic trust fund administered by the Corporation of London to maintain the City's four bridges now has more money than it needs for this purpose.

Tudor music heralds opening to public of hunting lodge built for Henry VIII

Peter Berg, a musician, looking from a window of Queen Elizabeth's Hunting Lodge on the edge of Epping Forest, Essex. The Tudor lodge, which has just been restored and opened to the public, was built for Henry VIII and refurbished by Elizabeth I.

Letter: Glowing reports

Sir: Glow worms (letter, 9 July). We still have them in the South Hams. We had them in Oxfordshire in the Fifties. My father told me he used to put them on his hat to light the way as he walked my mother home through Epping Forest when they were courting in the Twenties.

Semtex in tea chest 'belonged to friend': Man denies IRA membership or involvement in bombing campaign

A LONDON sales executive who has admitted possessing Semtex explosives yesterday denied that he was a member of the IRA or part of a bombing campaign.

Court told boy 'made mistake' over quarrel

A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD boy told the Old Bailey yesterday that he 'might have dreamt' of looking through a hole in his bedroom wall and seeing a struggle leading to the death of his mother, writes John Arlidge.

Setback in war to save honey-bees

THE FIGHT against a killer mite which wipes out honey-bees could be seriously hampered by closure of an Essex beekeeping unit which serves East Anglia.

Flashers exposed

Police are giving women horse riders in Epping Forest, Essex, miniature cameras so they can photograph men who expose themselves.

Judge attacks law on torture sentence

A JUDGE complained yesterday that Parliament prevented him passing an effective sentence on a schoolboy who carved his initial in another boy's back during a 'terrifying' torture ordeal.
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