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In the middle of the night, hidden beneath the covers, I start laughing at the idea of anyone else finding out what I'm Googling. No, I'm not funding the dark web, I'm not streaming illegal stuff of any kind, I'm not even shopping for kittens; I'm soothing my troubled insomniac brow on frenchclick.co.uk, gazing at things formerly only purchasable in French supermarkets, now brought all the way across the Channel to my London front door – with no delivery charge on orders of more than £35. (More than £35? Pah. I can spend over £35 on biscuits alone in a French supermarket.)

Wheels of state: David Cameron would face the roughest of rides were he to betray Samantha... by scooter

PMs and prudes: What if it was David Cameron accused of having an affair in office?

Andy McSmith wonders how our media would react – and whether he would be able to keep his job

François Hollande's alleged mistress Julie Gayet 'blocked from arts jury'

The actress was expected to be appointed to a jury responsible for selecting state funded scholarships for the Villa Medic academy in Rome

Nicolas Anelka appears to make the 'la quenelle' gesture after scoring the first goal for West Brom in the 3-3 draw against West Ham

Kick It Out call for action against Nicolas Anelka following controversial 'quenelle' gesture

The West Brom striker made the gesture, which some view as anti-Semitic, against West Ham

Vincent Millot is hoping to cause a major upset when he takes on Andy Murray in the second round of the Australian Open

Australia Open 2014: Andy Murray opponent Vincent Millot hoping back pain won't hinder his attempts at an upset

The pair both encounter back problems last year but Millot is hopeful that he can pull off a surprise win despite the large gap between the two in the ATP rankings

Reporters raise their hands during French President Francois Hollande's annual news conference

French President François Hollande rebuffs media on alleged affair with Julie Gayet: 'These are painful moments, but private matters should be dealt with privately'

This being France, the President escaped close inspection of his private life at a long-awaited press conference. Instead, he talked about his plan to slash state spending. John Lichfield reports from the Elysee Palace

Stéphane Robert

Australian Open 2014 - Comment: Competitors need compensation if injury means they miss start of a Grand Slam

A trend of players pulling out of first round matches is emerging

Transfer news: Manchester United plan double swoop for Arturo Vidal and Paul Pogba - reports

David Moyes reportedly keen to sign the Juventus pair

Referee Nigel Owens escaped unhurt following a car accident on the M4 as he returned from Castres v Leinster on the weekend

Referee Nigel Owens escapes unhurt after car crash on the M4 as he returned from officiating Castres v Leinster in France

Owens thanked those who stopped to check he was ok as he made his way back to south Wales from his trip to France

It is the Belgians who have truly embraced the humble frite

Postcard from... Brussels

Valérie Trierweiler with her partner, François Hollande

Francois Hollande 'affair' latest: French first lady Valerie Trierweiler demands official statement and 'rapid clarification' of her status as hospital stay extended

The President’s official companion has told a French journalist that she is aware that some sort of official statement needs to be made

Homeserve fined £34.5m for ‘mis-selling’

Homeserve was today handed a £34.5 million fine by the City regulator after an investigation into alleged mis-selling at the emergency repairs group.

Forge ahead: The dining room; the chic interiors are a labour of love

B&B and Beyond: La Forge d'Hauterives, France

With views of the Côte d'Azur, this graceful guesthouse offers an intimate retreat in any season, says Lucy Gillmore

Bath prop David Wilson's calf injury leaves England short of options for the France game

Six Nations 2014: Injured trio could return for Ireland match

Stuart Lancaster believes three of England's orthopaedically challenged brigade – the Northampton full-back Ben Foden, the London Irish wing Marland Yarde and the Bath prop David Wilson – may return to fitness in time for the mid-point match of the Six Nations Championship, against Ireland at Twickenham on 22 February. The head coach did not say so openly, but he would surely take Wilson over the other two at this stage of proceedings.

George Ford (L) has been named in the England EPS squad in place of Toby Flood (R)

England: Stuart Lancaster names Elite Player Squad plus cover for Six Nations as injuries pile-up

England will be without a number of key players such as Manu Tuilagi, Alex Corbisiero and Tom Croft forcing Lancaster to name a second squad for next month's tournament

Jonny Wilkinson lifts the Heineken Cup

IRB step in to try and resolve Heineken Cup row as uncertainty over European rugby continues

The International Rugby Boar has promised to 'work actively with its unions towards the goal of achieving a unified and acceptable outcome for all involved'

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Independent Travel
Pompeii, Capri & the Bay of Naples
Seven Cities of Italy
Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence
Prague, Budapest and Vienna
Lake Garda
Minoan Crete and Santorini
Prices correct as of 15 May 2015
On your feet! Spending at least two hours a day standing reduces the risk of heart attacks, cancer and diabetes, according to new research

On your feet!

Spending half the day standing 'reduces risk of heart attacks and cancer'
Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Reds baulk at Christian Benteke £32.5m release clause
With scores of surgeries closing, what hope is there for the David Cameron's promise of 5,000 more GPs and a 24/7 NHS?

The big NHS question

Why are there so few new GPs when so many want to study medicine?
Big knickers are back: Thongs ain't what they used to be

Thongs ain't what they used to be

Big knickers are back
Thurston Moore interview

Thurston Moore interview

On living in London, Sonic Youth and musical memoirs
In full bloom

In full bloom

Floral print womenswear
From leading man to Elephant Man, Bradley Cooper is terrific

From leading man to Elephant Man

Bradley Cooper is terrific
In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

Dame Colette Bowe - interview
When do the creative juices dry up?

When do the creative juices dry up?

David Lodge thinks he knows
The 'Cher moment' happening across fashion just now

Fashion's Cher moment

Ageing beauty will always be more classy than all that booty
Thousands of teenage girls enduring debilitating illnesses after routine school cancer vaccination

Health fears over school cancer jab

Shock new Freedom of Information figures show how thousands of girls have suffered serious symptoms after routine HPV injection
Fifa President Sepp Blatter warns his opponents: 'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

Fifa president Sepp Blatter issues defiant warning to opponents
Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report

Weather warning

Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report
LSD: Speaking to volunteer users of the drug as trials get underway to see if it cures depression and addiction

High hopes for LSD

Meet the volunteer users helping to see if it cures depression and addiction
German soldier who died fighting for UK in Battle of Waterloo should be removed from museum display and given dignified funeral, say historians

Saving Private Brandt

A Belgian museum's display of the skeleton of a soldier killed at Waterloo prompts calls for him to be given a dignified funeral