It isn’t the most offensive entry into our occasional round-up of crimes against pizz

Nasa is funding the development of printed food with an eye on the long-haul, long-stay space missions of the future

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Why infertility will stop humans colonising space

Renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking once remarked that humankind would need to colonise space within the next century if it was to survive as a species.

Leading article: Children of the stars

Bad news for all those who fancied the idea of having a baby in outer space. It almost certainly won't happen. According to three scientists who have looked into the business of human beings colonising other bits of the galaxy, a pregnant woman moving through space is likely to be so bombarded with cosmic radiation that the chances of her egg remaining fertile are remote.

Bruno Mars, Caf&#233; de Paris, London<br/>C W Stoneking, Komedia, Brighton

The sharp-suited Hawaiian looks great, has an album at the top of the charts and a calculated charm that works. What a shame that his easy funk-pop has all the sentiment of a Hallmark card

Out of the spaceship &ndash; and into a sandpit

More than 40 years after Neil Armstrong became the first person to set foot on the surface of the moon, the multinational crew of Russia's Mars 500 experiment will finally leave their spaceship in the coming weeks, and venture out – into an adjacent sandpit.

Album: Bruno Mars, Doo-Wops &amp; Hooligans (Elektra)

Bruno Mars, until recently one of R&B's backroom boys, is currently the hottest thing in pop, with "Grenade" furnishing his second UK chart-topper.

Goonhilly, we have a problem...

Fifty years ago, Arthur, the oldest satellite at Cornwall's Goonhilly Down Satellite Station, received the world's first transatlantic television broadcast.

Mike Brown: The astronomer who slayed planet Pluto

When Brown discovered a distant world called Eris, he didn't realise it would see Pluto kicked out of the Solar System &ndash; and his letterbox fill with hate mail. Nick Harding meets him

The Timeline: Britain in space

The water of life: A small world with huge potential

In the icy oceans of Enceladus, one of Saturn's tiny moons, scientists believe that there is proof that aliens exist. So why are there no plans to return to this mysterious miniature world?

First rice, then wheat &ndash; now cocoa genome unravelled

Yield may triple and transform the lives of poor African farmers

Almaty and Astana are just out of this world

Kazakhstan is launching itself as the new Singapore &ndash; a stopover destination for people heading further east. Adrian Mourby gets a sneak preview of Central Asia's curious transit delight

Age Of Aquarius ready to dawn at Goodwood

Races over seven or eight furlongs round here tend to hinge upon so many hazards that the search for a winner tends to become a rather neurotic, complex process. Over two miles, however, punters have no need to fret about the draw, or potential traffic problems round all those twists and turns. They can simply back the best horse in the race. And on that basis there is no need to wait for Jupiter to align with Mars, or the moon to be in the Seventh House, to find the winner of the Artemis Goodwood Cup.

John Walsh: Why does Citizen Service sound so sinister?

So, National Service is back. Obviously not real National Service, where every chap in the nation is required by law to undergo 24 months of military training, square-bashing and army manoeuvres, under the baleful eye of a sergeant-major, as was the case from 1947 to 1960.

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Johnny Marr talks relationships and reunions

He's worked with Modest Mouse, the Pet Shop Boys and Beck, to name a few, and recently released his first solo album. So why, wonders Johnny Marr, do people still hark on about The Smiths?
After the flood: From Haiti to Britain, one man has captured the devastation of our increasingly deluged lands

In pictures: After the flood

From Haiti to Britain, one man has captured the devastation of our increasingly deluged lands
Death becomes her: Meet the very modern mortician who champions 'cool' funerals

Death becomes her: A very modern mortician

Ever considered baking a loved one's remains into a cake or putting their ashes in fireworks? If so, talk to Caitlin Doughty, champion of the alternative death industry.
How long can the 'Keep Calm' trend carry on?

How long can the 'Keep Calm' trend carry on?

At first it seemed clever and cute. Then the 'Keep Calm' motif went mad, spawning endless offshoots.
The man who built Brum: A lament for the demise of John Madin's Brutalist Birmingham

John Madin: The man who built Brum

The architect's buildings were supposed to leave an indelible, futuristic mark on his beloved hometown but they are now being inexorably torn down.
School of chop: Learning the art of butchery at the Ginger Pig

School of chop: Learning the art of butchery

How do you butcher a lamb? Or make Mexican street food in a British kitchen? Christopher Hirst finds out.
James Pembroke: The man who's eaten everywhere

The man who's eaten everywhere

Few people know more about restaurants than James Pembroke, who only spent five mealtimes at home during his entire childhood.
A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

The young JFK praised 'superior' Nordic races during visits to Germany
Banned Iranian director Mohammad Rasoulof to attend Cannes Film Festival 2013, his first public appearance since prison

Banned Iranian director to attend Cannes Film Festival

Mohammad Rasoulof to make his first public appearance since being imprisoned three years ago
Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

An exhibition explores images how photography has shaped astronomy
Eat Spam and carry on: Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating

Eat Spam and carry on

Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating
Facial hair: Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence

Facial hair

Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence
The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

Whether they're for everyday use or to make your dining table look just right, it's worth getting a stylish shaker...
Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

Chief executive says trophies will come if a 'core' of suitable players is in place
Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

The Bayern Munich forward tells Tim Rich his side have to shed chokers' tag after two recent final defeats