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Michael Carrick

Tim Key: ‘I captained my school football team in 1992 so I’m no

This week I scored such a beautiful goal at football, I really need to lay it down in print. It was as sweet as a plum; a dipping volley right off my laces that left the goalkeeper helpless – confused and gaping, like a teenaged giraffe coming face to face with a mirror for the first time. It was sublime. People need to be told about it.

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